Machete Kills (2013)

Wow...that sucked! Quite disappointed, as I was expecting something along the lines of the first Machete, but instead had to sit through this boring compilation of killings and poor acting.

Don't get me wrong, I love these type of movies and I really enjoyed the first Machete! However when it comes to the sequel...it was really bad, there's no way around it. One would think a movie that puts in so many recognizable faces would be more entertaining to watch than a crawling snail. The dialogues were arduous to listen to and even more so to wait for them to finish, jokes were really flat that couldn't even put a smirk on my face and the whole story was utterly slow and predictable.

I sincerely urge you not to waste your time on this.

Fmovies: First off, there's some really butt-hurt movie watchers whining about Machete kicking too much ass. Well, Machete don't act for butt-hurt nerds! Man, there was blood, guts, exploding heads, hot babes, and GUNS! GUNS! GUNS! Everything you need for an awesome movie night with friends who actually have a sense of humor. Yes, this is a get stoned to the bone flick. Look, if you're into Grind House, disregard all the negative hater reviews on here. I put this one up there with the cheesiest of classic kung-fu movies. This is a movie that's all about having fun. It's a living breathing cartoon with buckets of violence. Don't forget the munchies, maaaaaaaan.

Well, I was expecting something on the line of the first movie. Nope. If that is what you want, don't go. Even with the big-name cast, there isn't anything here to redeem it for lovers of a a good (or even average)dramatic movie. However, if you want a great comedy.....

What this movie is, and what some reviewers don't seem to get, is a complete spoof. This is a deliberately over-the-top attempt at creating a classic B-movie. Or if you've ever watched Hispanic TV, with all the poor over-acting and outrageous situations...that's what this is. This is not geared to someone who wants a great movie, but to someone who simply wants to laugh at poor film-making.

It is an extremely violent and graphic movie, but you don't really notice or care, because of how funny the poor acting is. And how so many people with automatic weapons, can miss so many targets standing in the open only feet away....well, that's what this kind of movie is all about.

Personally, I'm sorry I wasted the money on a ticket. But when it comes out on DVD, and you want a mindless night of poor B-movies, this might fit the bill.

Machete Kills fmovies. There are many motion pictures that one might call a movie with a cast of actors. Machete Kills, however, is a film in which thespians truly explore the depths of humanity in this gift to humanity. Danny Trejo and Michelle Rodriguez reprise their timeless roles for this film, and they are joined by acting legends Amber Heard, Carlos Estevez, and Lady Gaga; along with lesser know but talented none the less actors such as Mel Gibson (whom you may remember for his part in a lesser known indie movie about a Scottish folk hero).

I shan't spoil this film, to do so would be a grave injustice. But what I can tell you is that this movie is transcendent. The plot is highly cerebral, though the action allows for even those who may have trouble following such a masterpiece to enjoy this wonderment.

If you enjoyed the first Machete film, you are truly in for a treat. If you have yet to see this film, I am jealous of you in that I can never again view this artistic masterpiece for the first time again, but the magic shall entertain for years to come.

A lot of fun. Plot basically described in the title...

While I have not been left with any long-lasting memories from this film, I was never bored while watching it. It has action, it's funny, the pace is good and has a decent amount of eye candy without stepping too far into soft core territory.

If the film had to be put into a category; then entertaining nonsense would be a fair fit. It isn't trying to be deep or meaningful, it just wants to keep your eyeballs busy: it does just that.

The film's tongue is stuck so far into it's cheek it is almost beyond recrimination. Any criticism laid at it's door seem almost pointless and could be easily diverted by the intentionally spoofy nature of the production.

One to watch with a few mates, some beers, and snacks.

Let me start off by saying love love love the first Machete. I can watch it anytime... This one, not so much. Robert Rodriquez swung for the fences with this one and it missed. Some people will never ever say anything bad about the guy and some will genuinely like it, but to be honest.. it just didn't have that X factor the first Machete did. This time around Machete is more like a super hero. He is sent on a mission to Mexico by the President (excellent choice of casting Charlie Sheen, using his birth name of Carlos Esteves). But other than that, (and of course Danny Trejo and Michelle Rodriquez), the rest of the cast just didn't fit. The schizo Mexican revolutionary didn't fit, Cuba was completely out of place, wasn't really feeling Lady Gaga or Amber Heard (even though she is gorgeous) and the gorgeous Sophia Vegara was just a little too manic. But it really wasn't that.. the film just was kind of flat, even the action scenes weren't clicking. Maybe because they gave away too much in the previews. Maybe its because they made Machete inhuman.. All I know is that when I was in the theater, 3 people around me fell asleep and 4 people walked out a hour after the film started... AND it wasn't that many people in the theater. Gosh I wanted it to be so much better.. This is a rental, at best