Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008)

My 14 year old son passed on this, so I went by myself. I should have heeded his warning, "Dad, it IS a kid's movie." It is in fact.

But desirous of a Star Wars fix, I had to go.

And I am sorry I did. What a waste of time! I probably would have gotten more out of playing Battlefront II on my Xbox. Replaying Knights of the Old Republic would definitely have been better.

There wasn't really a story here, and what story there was pretty much an affront to any decent writing in any of the novels or comics in the last 30 years. There are many fan movies that are a whole heck of a lot better. Many fine things have been said that lay out the failings of this movie, so there's no need to repeat them. Most of the characters are as much cardboard as the vaunted breakthrough animation techniques. That's enough to tank any movie.

Couldn't we have had a movie that didn't pander to five year olds? This thing should have come with a Warning. "Warning! Watching this fetid pile of ripe manure, will cause you to develop a severe allergic reaction toward the Star Wars franchise."

Fmovies: It hurts me, physically, to say I disliked Star Wars: The Clone Wars. I may not like to think it, but I have always been a Star Wars fanboy, right from the moment I first lay eyes on Return of the Jedi. I was never a huge fan of the TV series, but it did not seem too bad when I did see it. Apparently, I should have been looking closer.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars as anyone could guess, follows Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi during their stints as "army generals" during the infamous Clone Wars. In the film, Skywalker (voiced by Matt Lanter) is given a Padawan learner, the feisty Ahsoka Tano (voiced by Ashley Eckstein), and given the mission of rescuing Jabba the Hutt's son. He has been kidnapped, and in exchange for his safe return, Jabba will aid the Republic during the war. But obviously, the job will not be that easy.

Saying Star Wars: The Clone Wars mocks the very fabrics of the Star Wars franchise does not even begin to explain how horrendous this movie is. Take just about everything you could have disliked about the new trilogy (and even things you may have from the original trilogy), and it probably will not even come close to the destructive nature George Lucas have brought us with this film (and subsequent new series).

For one thing, it seems that the casual one-liners of the series have been amped up to being used every other sentence. All this new Ahsoka character brings to the table, other than a lightsaber-sized gash through the heart of continuity, are giggling one-liners. She even has a nickname for Skywalker that she proceeds to use every time she is not calling him Master (and for an even more inexplicable reason, he has one for her). And then she has a name for R2-D2 and Jabba's son as well ('Stinky', which seems to be the only name he is ever really referred to as). I realize that Star Wars was never one for being perfect with their dialogue, but save for Jar Jar Binks (who does not make any appearances in the film), I do not think I have ever been more annoyed by any character more than this one. It is like the writers (who surprisingly are not Lucas) did away with anything we have learned about Jedis, and gave us this irritating wise-ass. Sure there was a cuteness to her character, but she loses that after about five minutes of screen time.

Even worse, the Battle Droids just seem to be here for comic relief. I was always under the belief they just spoke their directives. But somehow, someway, they actually talk to each other, and say the most ridiculous things to each other. Oh yeah, they may be funny for a six-year-old, but for anyone else, they are absolutely agonizing. At one point, one says "Shut up!" to another one, and you can almost hear the sound millions of fanboys make when a piece of their childhood has withered away and died. And if neither the Padawan or the Droids do it, then surely Ziro the Hutt (voiced by Corey Burton), Jabba's uncle will. Remember John Waters' friend and muse, Divine? Ziro is nearly the splitting image (albeit, an obese and disgusting slug).

The story is also an issue here. It is just, not strong enough to sustain a film. It does not necessarily feel like a three-part arc of the TV show (although the bizarre opening "crawl" read off by a Saturday morning announcer sure does not help that ideal), but it also does not feel like a completely well thought out film either. Sure, it has the political intrigue about Jabba's son's kidnapping, but this is supposed to be a Clone Wars

Fan buzz has been very negative for this movie. Myself, I have tried to remain positive. But even I, as a very lenient movie watcher has to admit that this really wasn't great. It's not on par with any of the other six movies of the franchise. It wasn't all bad though, and I will tell you what was good and bad about it now.

The animation was a real mixed bag. It had great backgrounds that looked almost like they were taken right out of the movies, then you have these very poorly designed characters. As much as I liked most of the designs on everything but the characters themselves, I couldn't help looking at the animation like a beautiful painting with poo smeared in some spots. You can look at the painting, but it's hard to enjoy it when you can't take your eyes off the poo. It takes away from the potentially awesome animation. They look plastic and stiff, and the facial expressions and lip syncing look like something from a Playstation game from 1999. The voice acting was pretty bad as well, although Christopher Lee did and alright job, and Matt Lanter had a lot more emotion in his voice acting than Hayden had in the entire role.

The dialogue was about as bad as can be. The exchanges between Anakin and his apprentice were all cliché and boring. Not to mention almost all the droids were like copies of Jar Jar Binks. A main problem was that I thought this would focus more on action than it did. That's why I felt all that lame childish stuff wouldn't matter. But it was mostly discussing the problems and treaties and stuff, which was the last thing this movie needed. There was a fair bit of action, but even when they were having awesome lightsaber duals, they felt the need to stop every 4 seconds and talk about stuff that I didn't need to hear, such as why they were having the battle. I wanted to see lightsaber duals on a level that they couldn't manage in a live action movie, and they did not deliver in this way. A lot of the other action was pretty good though, some being very fast moving and intense.

The storyline really didn't consist of much.... just people trying to get Jabba the Hutt on their side, basically. This is not a movie that I think many old Star Wars fans will enjoy, but it may be a movie that helps introduce new people to the franchise, which is always a good thing. This is definitely a movie for the younger audiences, not older people and film critics. It basically just felt like a long TV Show episode, which is basically all it was. It was good for a TV episode, but not for a movie. If the action is as good in the series as it was in the movie (and hopefully there will be more), then I will be looking forward to it. But if they release another movie that looks to be at this level, I will have to wait until DVD.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars fmovies. This movie fails on every level. It begins with, I kid you not, the announcer from The Powerpuff Girl's voice replacing the opening crawl we've come to know and love, presumably because the target audience, American children, can't read at even that glacial pace. I don't know if it's even necessary at this point to say something as redundant as "this movie has a horrible script and stiff acting;" that's just something we've come to expect with Star Wars in the last decade. But even the battle sequences aren't enjoyable. Star Wars used to be the cutting edge in visual effects; apparently the makers of this movie haven't the ways in which computer animation have advanced in the last decade. The character animations in this movie are worse than the average video game. The movie has off-putting pacing, packing too much into the first half, and dragging in the second. Everything that was supposed to be funny was a dud, and everything that was supposed to be serious garnered unwelcome guffaws from the audience. I have nothing good to say about this movie.

The consensus seems to be that it's not fair to compare it to the real Star Wars movies because it's intended for kids. That's just the thing though; I don't want Star Wars to become something that I have to put my brain on ice to enjoy from now on. A long time ago, George Lucas was capable of putting out material that kids and adults could both enjoy, that fanboys and the casual moviegoer could both enjoy, and no one would have to suspend their sensibilities to have a good time. That's what I want back.

I went to see "The Clone Wars" with carefully measured expectations, given the very, very mixed critical reaction. Although I say "critical", it's always best to remember that angry nerds with broadband are not film critics. But even the venerable and generally even-handed Roger Ebert didn't have much good to say about it.

After the strange feeling of seeing the "Warner Bros" logo and hearing "As Time Goes By" in place of the Fox logo and fanfare, the film gets off to an inauspicious start - a rendition of John Williams' Star Wars Main Theme played by The London Philharmonic's cheapest non-union Mexican equivalent. And instead of the opening crawl, we get a montage and voice-over in a 1930s serial style. This will probably work well in the TV series, and there's nothing wrong with it, but seems strangely out of place in the cinema. This may be just because the traditional Star Wars crawl is so ingrained in film-goers minds, but it was an undeniable jolt. But from that point forward it gets better.

Visually it's like nothing I've ever seen - instead of the style of CGI animation that we're now used to, the characters are made to look something like hand-painted wooden puppets. In a close-up shot you can actually see the brush strokes where the clone troopers have been "painted." It's a brave creative decision, given that Pixar, Dreamworks and others have had such great success with the more traditional style of CG animation, to take such a different direction. After I became accustomed to it, I really liked it. The animation has good "weight" to it - nothing ever suffers from the disconnected CGI unreality that often plagues the digital effects in live-action films (including 2002's "Attack of the Clones"). The environments are amazingly well realised, including a hand-painted sky which conjures up a nice balance between traditional and CG animation.

Sonically, it's Star Wars all the way. All the classic sounds are there (lightsabers, blasters, walkers and so on) and are well orchestrated to the action. Musically, they've gone some way to doing what I had hoped they might - using John Williams' themes, but taken in a new direction. There's a much more pronounced world music feel, and I really enjoyed that. When the score moves to a full orchestral piece, it sometimes falls a little flat. But it certainly serves its purpose, with only the main theme pulling me out of the moment.

Plot-wise... well, it's Star Wars. There's a MacGuffin that must be found and returned to gain a tactical advantage in the war. Any further discussion of the plot would probably be wasted... and not just to avoid spoilers - it's all about the action. So... is there action? Oh, yes. Quite a lot of it. Too much, in fact. As a TV series in 30 minute installments, it should be amazing. But welded into one feature-length adventure, it's a bit overpowering. The visual inventiveness helps hold interest as yet another battle unfolds, but the fact that it's essentially 3 or 4 episodes joined together does show. Not enough to make it a bad film... but when the end comes it *seems* to be an anti-climax purely because there's been no let-up for the previous 30 minutes. As such, the end seems to arrive very suddenly. Had it been structured a little more like a feature, it might have managed a better finale. But, taken on its own merits, the action is very well realised.

The new, kid-

This film is gonna have two sets of detractors. One set will be of people dying to see George Lucas crash and burn because they didn't like the prequels. The other will be people who, regardless of their feelings about the previous movies will enter with an ill conceived expectation for a great story. The rest of you, like me will have a blast watching this thing.

This movie is basically an extended pilot for a soon to premiere animated series and it plays as such. We are introduced to our characters, some new and some old and watch them set out on missions that take them through hair raising battle after hair raising battle. There is no conclusion, yet no cliff hanger, just a solitary mission, another day in the lives of Anakin Skywalker and Obi Wan Kenobi. In other words, no attempt at any great earth shattering plot, just a lot of good solid action and fun. Whether or not the TV series will develop more complicated story arcs and sub plots is only known by its creators right now, but its the simplicity that works here. I went into this movie expecting nothing but big action, cool characters and a slick look, and that's exactly what I got. The heart of the Star Wars franchise has always been its fun, and this is a cartoon...they're taking advantage of the opportunity to take the explosive larger than life elements of the films and skew them to an altered animated reality...which is what makes cartoons worth watching.

I loved the design of the whole thing too. It is very graphic and unique and I can understand that it may not be everyone's cup of tea but for me it's a great look. In a time when movie theaters are saturated with CG animated fair, many of which are so concerned with out doing one another with their increasingly real skin textures and bump mapping, it's refreshing to see a film that wants to be different. If you want something to look real, you might as well get a camera. For those of you who thought this graphic simplistic look was some kinda time/money saver, give yourself a shake, they wanted it to look this way. And if you're an animator like myself...take note.

Bottom line, you're not gonna walk out of this movie a different person, and its not gonna win any awards...but it's a hell of a lot of fun.