Precious Cargo (2016)

For a low budget film it's not bad, it's not great but still it's not bad. It is your usual run of the mill cat and mouse chase where a job goes wrong and the bad guys hunt them down. Bruce Willis obviously is the bad guy and plays the role as a p****D off mobster well. As I started this review of with the words of low budget which cost just over 10 million to make which I'm guessing Bruce Willis is getting half of that so that left 5 million to make the film which shows with some average acting, the action scenes are like it's been made for the channel SYFY and some of the lines are just awful. But despite all the faults above the film is only 85 minutes long so it's not really going to take up your time if you want to watch it.

Fmovies: "The fact that you borrow my dog in order to trick your veterinarian girlfriend to thinking you're an animal lover is pathetic. I am an animal lover, I'm just not an animal owner."

It's official. This was the last movie with Bruce Willis I wasted my time on. Whenever I expect a come-back from my eternal hero, I'm always disappointed afterwards and realize that apparently the check size was more important than the content of the film or an enthusiastic commitment. And probably the salary wasn't high enough after seeing the intensity of that commitment and enthusiasm. A head of lettuce in my father's garden shows more drama and empathy than Mr. Willis in this pseudo-action crime story. Look at his expression when Jack (Mark-Paul Gosselaar) blows up a car in front of his hotel. Painful. A horrible moment for a Willis fan like me. I would rather throw the lettuce from my father's garden towards the screen.

Eventually Willis wasn't such a bad choice after all, since the rest of the movie is as bad. When will directors finally realize that a crime movie gets the labeled "immortal" pinned on because it contains an unprecedented and fascinating story in which passionate and charismatic actors appear. And it's not the amount of ammunition that's used throughout the film that'll make you earn that label. The gunfights in "Precious Cargo" are so irritating bad and ridiculously exaggerated. I think they've used as much ammunition as during the landing at Normandy. Statistically speaking it isn't such a bad idea. They are all such bad shooters that they might have a chance to hit something after shooting so intensively. One stray bullet is sufficient. Even Stevie Wonder would be a better shooter. And every time I'm wondering what material most objects are made of, because they can withstand a huge amount of bullets every time.

Mark-Paul Gosselaar wasn't so bad. Although I didn't understand where he got the title "Michelangelo of Thieves" from, because he wasn't particularly intelligent. When you're so stupid to fall for a ridiculous lie of an ex-girlfriend and blindly consider an alleged pregnancy as true, you're certainly not blessed with a well functioning brain. Luckily I didn't recognize him immediately as the more mature version of Zack from "Saved by the bell", otherwise I would have given up much earlier, because this was one of the most annoying television-series from the 80'. Claire Forlani is an elegant appearance and tried her best to act believable as the pregnant ex (who could cope with hectic situations despite her condition). Needless to say she began to irritate me after a while as well.

Compared with this, "American Heist" was highly enjoyable. Expect a series of clichés. Like the macho-style and tough language used whenever possible. This leads to embarrassing moments like the one where Christoph Rob Rowen puts some silicone-filled blonde bimbo's in their place. The gang members keep appearing from every corner throughout the whole movie while their arsenal of weapons increases visibly. There's the semi-romantic entanglement between Jack and his ex on the one hand and on the other hand one with his new girlfriend, veterinarian Jenna (Lydia Hull) who imagined a romantic dinner quite different. In the end apparently she finds Jack's lifestyle just normal.

Is there really nothing positive to say about this film? Yes, there's still

A few weeks have passed, and that of course means we get yet another movie from the sausage factory that is of schlock producers Randall Emmett and George Furla. This is yet another effort of theirs that stars Bruce Willis. Well, actually it's hard to say that he "stars" in this movie, because once again he appears in a movie where it's clear he knocked off his few scenes in just a couple or so days of shooting.

It's just as well, because Willis gives yet another lazy performance that further shows he doesn't give much of a darn to his few remaining fans these days. Actually, Willis' sleepwalking comes across as Olivier compared to some of the other actors. It was hard to say who gives the worst performance in the movie, but ultimately I give the award to Jenna B. Kelly, who plays Logan. She doesn't seem to be trying at all to add emotion or any other signs of acting to her lines.

In fairness to Kelly and the rest of the cast, they have to deal with a screenplay that is packed with gawd-awful lines of dialogue that even the best thespians would have difficult selling to an audience. What's worse is that some of these lines of dialogue are intended to be funny, and not only are they not funny, they seem to be mocking the audience who is watching this movie.

As for the (limited) action, it's routine at best, and flat and uninteresting at its worst. You may be wondering if there is ANYTHING good to say about this movie. Well, some of the camera-work does impress at times - I wasn't expecting the sometimes elaborate moves by the camera for a straight to DVD movie such as this. Especially one that is bad in every other way you can think of.

Precious Cargo fmovies. There should be a Rule. If an "Actor" appears on the Cover of a Video, He or She has to Appear in more than Five Minutes of Screen Time. Bruce Willis, in another Poster Paycheck Role might just make that cut in this Overly Slick DTV, but Barely.

The other "Actors" in this Badly Written and Conceived Movie seem to be as Disinterested as Willis. Striking Goofy Tough Guy and Gal Poses Delivering Lame Lines and Trying to Look Pretty, makes this a Cringe Inducer and an Embarrassment to all concerned.

It's one of those that's Played as Tongue-in-Cheek to make it all seem Forgivable Fun and the Bottom of the Barrell is the End Credits where it Presents Side-Bar Hilarity with Characters that didn't have Enough Charisma to warrant Caring about in the Previous 90 Minutes.

It's Forgettable Gloss, Painted with Bright Colors, Little Suspense, and the Gun Battles and Chases are Ridiculous. Half of the Wasted Budget must have been Spent on Bullets coming from Guns Fired by People that are Firing Range Deficient.

A Movie so Thin that can only be Tolerated by the Lowest-Common-Denominator Fan that asks nothing of a Film and that's Exactly what They Get with this one. Nothing. Bruce Willis has become a Deceiving Decadent Whore.

This movie was intended to be a total action flick. There are some good action scenes however the acting by the cast were really sad. Mark - Paul being the lead hero was trying hard to be funny whenever the scene came up to it. And model Jenna really was so annoying trying to play a bad ass chick. She really didn't live up to the role and I guess really needs to stick to modeling or really needs to go to a decent acting school.There were scenes intending to be funny but because of the bad acting and cheap dialogs I was trying hard to even get the joke!Every other cast member is forgettable. Besides Bruce Willis and Claire Forlani,everyone were pretending to act. The story-line could have been better even the ending was cheesy. Really a waste of time watching this movie.

An action movie with some good scenes, some good lines (best of them being a drunk Nick Loeb asking 'What brings you to Thailand?' and Mark-Paul Gosselaar replying 'Thailand? We are in Mississippi manÂ…'), some good ideas and some good characters (Logan, played by Jenna B. Kelly above all).

In the end, however, the cast fails to catch, the plot doesn't entertain and the film doesn't work.

Probably Claire Forlani shouldn't be older than MP Gosselaar, surely some key scenes (the boat chase, the final showdown, the heistÂ…) should be more convincing.

And the presence of Bruce Willis only worsens the things because it heightens the expectations. A few more films like this and his tough-guy character risks to become laughable.