Turbulence (1997)

In the tradition of hilariously bad movies like "Roadhouse" and "The Postman", "Turbulence" truly delivers the goods. Convicted serial killer, Ray Liotta, is on his way to LA to take up residence on death row. What follows makes one wonder if they're watching a twisted remake of "Airplane." After the lampooning that air disaster movies took with that landmark spoof, you would think filmmakers would be wary about returning to the skies with such a half-baked, over the top implausi-fest. I get the feeling that after a while they realized the comic potential of the movie and started playing it for laughs. How else to explain the truck stuck on the landing gear sequence, the "she's not a stewardess, she's a flight attendant" quote, and the plugging of a gun fire induced hole in the fuselage with a briefcase. Of course, my favorite is when Liotta finds himself in the avionics bay, and discovers what appears to be a tomahawk like ax. Ground control notes his presence and gasps that "He may take out the autopilot." Cue the next shot, a sign on a panel "Caution: Autopilot controls" which is dutifully smashed by our ax wielding friend. The landing sequence is hilarious as well. If you're looking for a serious, thoughtful action movie, skip this one. If you're looking for a few good laughs, check it out.

Fmovies: Disgusting. That sums up the train-wreck-in-the-sky entitled "Turbulence". The DVD should come with its' own air-sick bag, because you'll be nauseaous from the time it lifts off the runway.

A thin story is anchored even more by horrible, and I mean horrible acting from both Ray Liotta and Lauren Holly. This is yet another Ray Liotta psychopath flick. When is he not type-cast as a thug or maniac? Very predictable lines from him. Lauren Holly looked like a genius - in Dumb and Dumber. "Turbulence" highlights the lowest point in her acting career. From horrible make-up, to times in the movie where she goes from calm (when she shouldn't be) to a screaming mess defending herself from Liotta's killer habits.

Luckily, a friend lent me this DVD, so I didn't actually waste any money on it, but I did waste an hour and 37 minutes.

This is no Airport '75 - not by a long shot.

But who cares? Ray Liotta is hands down unforgettable. Every time he gets hurt it's very funny to watch. I had to rewind the part where Teri blows the fire extinguisher in his face. The way he reacts is priceless! That and when Teri shoves him down stairs and closes an automatic door on his foot. He starts crying like a baby. Hilarious! And his lines, "You aren't having much luck with men lately, are you Teri?" or "I'm never flying this airline again." are by far worse than anything imaginable but thats what makes it all the more entertaining. Other than that the movie is pretty lame. I would recommend renting Turbulence for Liotta's performance only, and yes that makes it worth renting.

Turbulence fmovies. I happen to love movies that take place on airplanes, maybe because they're usually, or always about the same thing: A terrorist (or more) hijacks the plane and threatens to kill the passengers, sometimes along with the pilot. Plus, there's a storm too, making matters worse. That's basically all you can do in an airplane movie. The only exception is "Snakes on a Plane". Anyway, I had a good time the whole way through, even though I think the film could have used more characters (and complications), and a flight attendant who is a lot more smarter. This flight attendant, played by Holly, isn't very bright, even for a victim. Maybe she should have been the one choked to death. The other stewardess, played by Hicks, is more interesting. Besides, aren't the victims killed off in horror movies usually the not-so-smart ones? I suppose I could give the movie credit for trying something a little different.

*** out of ****

• 3/5 STARS -

It's Airport 1975 meets Friday the 13th in this thriller at 35,000 feet. Set aboard the ultra-sophisticated Boeing 747-200, a serial killer and flight attendant battle for control of the airplane as both his mental condition and the plane's altitude deteriorate.

A group of U.S. marshals is escorting two convicts aboard a nearly empty 747 on Christmas Eve. One convict escapes and kills all of the guards, along with the pilot. (The copilot is taken out just as efficiently by failing to observe the fasten seat belt sign!) After sitting back and letting them kill each other, serial killer Ryan Weaver (Liotta) fills the power vacuum and systematically secures control of the airplane. He has no intention of mounting an escape, however. Because he was already en route to death row, he plans to slowly torture his group of holiday captives while the plane flies itself into the ground.

Flight Attendant Teri Halloran (Holly) will have none of that, and we find ourselves with a far more capable flight attendant than Karen Black (from Airport 1975) at the helm of this 747. A lot can change in 22 years, and this time our flight attendant is strong-willed, empowered, and ready to brandish a gun, if necessary, to defend her safe passage to the ground. But just as significantly, it's the technology that has changed in two decades.

The airplane, the set design, and the special effects steal the show. Airplane buffs will be wowed at the display of real-world commercial jet technology, including the autoland system, which effectively replaces Charlton Heston (from Airport 1975) as the emergency pilot-in-command. Most of these whiz-bang gizmos are already present and functioning aboard commercial jets worldwide. By choosing such a high-tech plane, the producers were able to simplify the plot and omit the flight engineer altogether. He's been replaced by a bank of computers, as is becoming standard practice among domestic carriers.

The reality factor does have to be put on hold rather often, such as when the 747 flips over and our stars are forced to struggle on the ceiling of the cabin. Or when the plane's landing gear becomes entangled in a rooftop restaurant and subsequently scoops up a parked car. The 747-200's autopilot isn't nearly smart enough to recover from either crisis, but it's easy to let the disbelief slide because the visuals are so startlingly fresh.

External shots of the plane are well lit and light-years beyond what we have seen in any other aviation disaster film. Inside the plane, the sets are vibrant and alive with color. Brilliantly lit instrument panels, along with a talkative computer warning system, keep the audience involved. Even the avionics bay is bright and downright inviting!

It's a good thing the director let the art designers run amuck, because the psychosis of our serial killer would've sunk the picture otherwise. This character should have been penned as a standard mental case, but instead he's a serial killer and a sex fiend, which makes for a variety of uncomfortable confrontations between himself and the flight attendants. Women generally do NOT like this movie, primarily because the sexually-charged power struggles are repulsive to a modern temperament. The audience is officially fed up when Teri strips to seduce Ryan, just so that she can hit him in the head. Of course, he regains the upper hand moments later.

If just five minutes of this rubbish had been cut

An implausible but intense thrill ride with a more than competent cast.

As the film opens, it is Christmas Eve, and we get our introduction to our Bad Guy, Ryan Weaver (Ray Liotta, doing the kind of character he does best). He's a good-looking, charming-on-the-surface killer who has come to be known as the "Lonely Hearts Strangler" because his M.O. is apparently to target a single woman, romance her for a time, and then . . . well, they do call him "Strangler". After leaving a toy store with a cute stuffed animal and arriving at his new girlfriend (next intended victim's) place, he is arrested and kicked in the stomach by the detective (Hector Elizondo) who has been after him for years and even framed him by planting evidence (although it's okay in this case because HE DONE IT! Who cares what they had to do to get him?) In a clever bit of opening misdirection, we see shots of Bad Guy on his way to his latest target's place intercut with shots of our Heroine (waifish but not anorexic, blonde-haired-big-blue-eyed Lauren Holly) in her own place in such a way as to make us think that she is his new "girlfriend", when in fact she is not.

The two do meet, however, since our Heroine is a flight attendant assigned to the Christmas Eve flight on which Bad Guy is being transported to prison to await his execution. Along with Bad Guy is another con (Brendan Gleeson, in a Glee-ful performance) who's first words are his reply to our Heroine's question, "What would you like?", referring to drinks. His response? "I'd like to nail you, baby,", in the slimiest-sounding Cornpone accent you've ever heard. Is this guy really British?! Anyway, our charming con goes on to ask to be taken to the plane's bathroom, uses the soap-thingy as a weapon to kill the officer who is guarding him, and proceeds to make like Jeff Foxworthy if Foxy was a BAD-ASS Redneck. He ends up holding our Heroine hostage with a gun to her pretty blonde head, and who talks him into letting her go? None other than our Bad Guy, who at this point is still making like an unjustly accused and convicted Good Guy. In another dust-up, the other con and several others are shot. (The pilots have, in the midst of all this, been killed).

Our Heroine is told by our Bad Guy that the pilot hit his head but is all right and is going to land. He begins to win her sympathy, asking her if she believes in capital punishment, to which she answers "No". Our Heroine is sharp, however, and notices that the plane does not appear to be descending. She decides to go to the cockpit herself to check things out and finds the pilot and his co-pilot dead. She manages to make contact with the ground, however, and they patch her through to a pilot (Ben Cross, who brings his presence and accent to the role)who instructs her on how to communicate with the people on the ground and how to operate the plane(to LAND it, of course). Our Bad Guy, however, is determined that they will crash and, he hopes, take as many other people with them as possible. He shows his true colors, and it is at this point that it becomes almost impossible not to enjoy watching Mr. Liotta; he simply seems to be having so much FUN playing this particular wack-pot. As the plane tosses them to-and-fro (did I mention that they're headed into a six-on-a-scale-of-one-to-six thunderstorm?) our Heroine must defend herself after being coaxed out of the cockpit by our Bad Guy. While not trying to come across as the Xena of flight at