The Haunted Mansion (2003)

The most disappointing thing about "The Haunted Mansion" is that its star, Eddie Murphy, has once again lowered himself to silly kids' fare. I'm sure some younger children may get a kick out of certain segments of "The Haunted Mansion," but then again, its intended age group -- the 4-and-over crowd -- will be undoubtedly scared by its eerie presence and quite frightening visuals, such as when a father and his daughter are locked in a tomb and find re-animated -- and quite realistic -- skeletons chasing them. The scary moment of this all aside, the fact that these stiff creatures pursue the young girl will most likely strike a chord with children. If you take your kids to see this, you're just asking for nightmares.

Murphy is Jim Evers, a workaholic Realtor accused by his wife and co-Realtor, Sarah (Marsha Thomason), that he neglects his personal life far too often in favor of the cash he's making at work. So Jim promises Sarah and his two kids (Marc John Jefferies and Aree Davis) a relaxing getaway to a nearby lake. But first he's going to just make a quick stop at his newest assignment, the Gracey Manor, an old, crumbling mansion located in the heart of swamp area. The butler of the establishment, Ramsley (Terence Stamp), lets them in and eventually informs them that they will be unable to leave the house due to flooding on the road. Something strange is afoot, and the audience guesses what's going on about an hour before the movie's characters do, which is a tedious thought.

As we first suspect from the title, the ride, and the overall marketing of the movie, ghosts inhabit the mansion, and soon we learn that Master Gracey (Nathaniel Parker) plans on taking Sarah as his bride. Why? Just take a guess. She bears a startling resemblance to his old love, Elizabeth (also played by Thomason in flashbacks and such).

Now, I'm not going to try and sound racist here, but let's be blunt: Back when Master Gracey was alive, he would never have been near an African-American woman. And even if he were, it would surely be a matter brought up during the film's running time. Yet Disney seems afraid to touch the subject, as if it may offend its potential audience by even indicating racial technicalities. But all it does it make the whole situation come off as rather comical.

Meanwhile, Wallace Shawn ("The Princess Bride") provides supposed comic relief as a ghost. But to assume he can steal the movie himself is, of course, "inconceivable!"

So here we have an odd mix of horror and slapstick, pratfalls and frights. The movie is based on the Walt Disney World theme park ride, which is probably about three to five minutes long, and there's a reason for that. Its movie adaptation feels like a giant theme park ride, but the material can't support itself for a bare minimum ninety minutes, so we get a lot of nonsense about a ghost trying to marry a deceased love, and so on and so forth, minus the humor and flair and rousing feeling of Disney's surprise hit of 2003, "Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl," which has started a trend we may (unfortunately) be seeing more of in the future.

And as for Murphy -- who was once one of Hollywood's bad boys -- where is he in this mess? Murphy seems way too eager to please in this movie, boasting his famous smile every second he can -- probably to evoke nostalgia of his older efforts. Or maybe he's just trying to remain totally optimistic. But

Fmovies: 'The Haunted Mansion,' a film 'inspired' by the Disney theme-park attraction of the same name, feels like a cross between 'The Haunting' and 'The Ghost and Mr. Chicken.' Eddie Murphy is a real estate agent working in tandem with his wife, Marsha Thomason. One day she receives a call from a mysterious stranger asking her to check out some property he wants to put up for sale. Even though the caller specifically asks that she come alone, Murphy decides to go along with her, bringing their two young children as well. When they arrive on the scene, the family finds a mansion replete with all the paraphernalia common to a conventional haunted house - sliding panels, hidden passageways, a graveyard in the backyard, an eccentric owner, a creepy butler (played with delicious relish by Terence Stamp) and, of course, a houseful of unruly and unsettled resident ghosts. Once ensconced inside, the family discovers – much like homeowners in a buyer's market - that it's always easier to get into a haunted house than it is to get out of one.

Murphy assumes the Bob Hope role of the comical skeptic who meets each and every danger with a defiant wisecrack and clever quip. Unfortunately, even Murphy, for all his talent, can't rescue material that doesn't have anything much there to begin with. The story is predictable and silly and the dialogue woefully bereft of laughs. There's also one glaring plot hole that should not go unremarked upon. Thomason is supposed to be a (pardon the pun) dead-ringer for a woman who killed herself a hundred and fifty years ago, yet there is no way that, in the context of that time, that woman could ever possibly have been black. Colorblindness is generally a good thing, but in this instance, it strikes at the very core of the story's internal credibility. The film's visual imagery does indeed derive from the Disney attraction – statues whose eyes follow people around the room, dancing transparent ghosts, singing disembodied heads – but there's a world of difference between a 5-minute amusement-park ride and an 85-minute full-length feature film. Before green-lighting the project, didn't any of the executives over at Disney ask if anyone had come up with a movie worth making? Given the results we see on screen, the answer is 'apparently not.'

There's no point here in launching into our perpetual lament over the downward spiral that Eddie Murphy's career continues to take. After all, if he isn't worried about the squandering of his once notable talent, why should we be? Life is just too short for that.

Another nail in the coffin of Eddie Murphy's career, The Haunted Mansion is a slap-dash attempt to cash in on The Pirates of the Caribbean, an infinitely more successful and better film based on a Disneyland ride. There's just nothing here to write about--very little human drama and not enough computer wizardry to keep you from noticing you don't care about the humans.

About the only two things worth mentioning are Jennifer Tilly's fairly funny Madame Leota, a wisecracking Gypsy trapped in a bright green crystal medicine ball and Marsha Thomason, not for any acting ability but simply that she is beautiful and her beauty relieves some of the boredom.

Oh, well. At least it didn't have some character pontificating, "Follow your heart!"--the ubiquitous and hackneyed Disney message

The Haunted Mansion fmovies. Haunted Mansion boasts wonderful spfx and great zombie makeup. Haunted mansion is fast paced. Haunted Mansion is quite creative with it's storyline and imaginative sets. But what the film does lack is good performances despite Jennifer Tilly's Madame Liotta. Thew other ones just seem ok. The film's wrap up is just so contrived and seems like one of many endings thatw ill be available on the dvd. I realiaze it's an amazing feat to turn a ride into full length film. But you just don''t have enough to work with and You churn out an hour and 20 minute semi stinker. maybe it's best it shouldn't have been made. Don't get me wrong whats on screen is quite entertaining not due in large part by another annoying performance ny Eddie Murphy. But what the film truly lacks isn't enough to block the film what the film truly tries to be. A blatant family entertainer designed to bring in the bucks and it most likely will.

Eddie Murphy? What genius thought up this lame script? Sure, they toss in a dozen homages to the original ride, but Disney flubbed a golden opportunity to create a classic film. Don't take one of the most-beloved rides from Disneyland/World, and come up with a sub-par comedy, with smart-mouthed kids, and a jabbering Eddie Murphy.

Tech credits are great, though.

Don't be fooled by the DVD's claim of a "Virtual Ride of The Haunted Mansion." I was expecting a recap of the actual park attraction, but was instead treated to a tour of the movie set.

Also, Disney....why not just AVOID crude jokes and profanity in this type of family film? The scares alone garner the rating you desire. Don't dumb this down when it's not necessary. Have you not learned ANYTHING since "Watcher in the Woods"? (And THAT was definitely creepier.)

This was a very poorly reviewed film, and it didn't deserve such flack. For me, it was a dumb, entertaining movie with some heart. For others, it was a terrible job of emulating the classic Disney ride and just another stupid Eddie Murphy comedy vehicle. Though I'd rather go on the ride as opposed to watching this, it still has it's charm. This movie is about a Realtor (Murphy) and his family traveling to a haunted mansion for a business deal. While in the house they learn some strange things and end up traveling through various rooms found in the ride (the bride, the ballroom, Madame Leota, the graveyard with the singing busts). In the end, this is a fun movie for kids, and amusing for adults, with fun references, and a fun performance by Murphy and the kids.

My rating: ** 1/2 out of ****. 85 mins. PG for mild language, violence