Stan Helsing (2009)

Nothing like Scary Movie at all. As spoofs go this movie doesn't do anything to make you laugh. And isn't that the point of a movie like this. There was a real potential in making this a fun movie. But somehow I guess that the director and producers couldn't be bothered. I can't blame the cast since they obviously try their best to make this work. But you can see the desperation in the main character's eyes when he has to do another pointless dialog. Shutting your mind of isn't an option either since there is no slapstick comedy to be enjoyed. Well there are some redeeming elements or maybe even the only reason to watch this. The two girls. One with very nice boobs (Diora Baird) and the other one extremely hot blonde (Desi Lydic). Sadly this just isn't enough to be tortured through the whole movie. (My advice skip to the sexy scenes with the girls and forget about everything else). Ignore previous comment and don't waste your time. Avoid this movie!

Fmovies: Anyone who's followed the '(insert genre being parodied) Movie' series will know that the series has steadily gone downhill since the quite good 'Scary Movie'. While 'Stan Helsing' may have avoided the 'Movie' title, it's just as bad as the worst of the preceding films.

The barely-there plot involves four friends, Stan Helsing (Steve Howey), Nadine (Diora Baird), Teddy (Kenan Thompson) and Mia (Desi Lydic). On the way to a Halloween party, they are stranded in an isolated town and eventually forced to fight 'parodies' of six famous movie monsters Freddy, Jason, Leatherface, Chucky, Pinhead and Mike Myers.

The problem with SH is it's just not funny. While meant to be a parody of monster movies, the six monsters aren't given enough screen time to justify the parody. The main characters are lazy stereotypes: Stan is a commitment-phobic slacker who refuses to believe his destiny as Van Helsing, Nadine is the bitchy ex-girlfriend (unfortunatley for Baird, her performance is overshadowed by her breasts, which are on disply throughout the film), Mia is the ridiciously stupid and incredibly slutty blonde (though, to Lydic's credit, she at least goes about with a smile on her face). Finally, Teddy is the typical jive-talking token black guy even though Thompson is quite funny and could be even better with a half-decent script. The biggest indignity falls to comedy legend Leslie Nielsen, who spends the entire film in drag.

Like previous films, it reverts to gross-out humour and lots of sexual references for laughs and it comes off as desperate.

Even if, like me, you see these films as a guilty pleasure despite their poor quality, 'Stan Helsing' is still disappointing.

Wow, just got done watching this "parody" and it was so bad I feel like throwing up...not kidding! At first it grabs you, thinking it might be a funny spoof, like Scary Movie and the like, but if you can tolerate this thing till the end, you will see it is nothing of the sort. The acting is terrible. There is nothing funny at all, it just drags on and on and you'll find yourself begging for the end. Not even to see how it ends, just because of the sweet release of watching. I could never sit through this movie again. I can't express how bad it is, possibly the worst movie of all time. The 2 main female characters are pretty hot, and that's the ONLY good thing about the movie. I NEVER put posts on this website, but had to with this one, just because it is so bad. Avoid at all costs.

Stan Helsing fmovies. Its rare that I actually despise a movie as much as this one. Now before you say I am coming down too hard on this movie...if you don't believe me just watch it. The movie starts out 'ok' like a decent rip off of Scary Movie; however, it quickly descends into a downward whirlpool of bad acting, poor direction and a plot that makes little sense.

Basically this movie is a spoof on horror movies. There were a few parts where I laughed- near the beginning, but after that it seems as though the film budget ran out of money or something because after the halfway point it completely looses direction. I kept expecting a story to develop or some kind of back history on 'Van Helsing' to appear. It didn't. The characters are poorly written...and even with the comedic assistance of Leslie Neilson it still flops hardcore.

Leslie Neilson must be really hard up for acting spots to have taken a spot in this stinker. My recommendation is that you don't watch this one....in fact don't even rent it. Its really that bad.

Okay, it is quite horrible. Yet, despite the overall harsh criticisms found on here, it is nothing at all near being one of the worst movies I have ever seen - in my lifetime, this year, or even this month. Bad? Yes indeedy! But God Awful? Not quite(though perhaps closer than I am letting on to). Steve Howey plays Stan Helsing who works at a video store. Halloween night is here and Stan meets up with two incredibly hot girls and his buddy Kenan Thompson(you figure out which one is unlikely to be in that quartet in reality). Thankfully Kenan is there, because he has a few of the few laughs that are in this film(the others belonging to octogenarian and living legend Leslie Nielsen dressed as a hideous barmaid). It seems Stan is destined to live up to his ancestry and slay monsters - what monsters you may ask? Well, ridiculously and inept looking ones NOT from classic horror but from modern "classics"(I shudder even putting THAT in parentheses!) We get Pleatherface with a leaf blower and a line when he no longer has it, "It looks like no one will get blown tonight." Stop your sides from aching now with laughter. We get Chucky looking like a guy with painted x's and o's on his face. A Pinhead double from Hellraiser. Anf let's no forget the Michael Myers, Jason, and Fweddy doubles as well. All of these look so stupid and like someone from a fifth grade art class got to work on their wardrobe and costumes. There are other horror references and a story that defies logic - and explanation here for lack of need. Really, Stan Helsing is like Epic Movie, Disaster Movie, and Date Movie. It has a few laughs but not enough to even keep this lame crap afloat long at all. The humor is mostly adolescent and sophomoric with at least four references to bathrooms and all that great humor that comes from noises and the other fertile comedic ground that is inherent in feces and urine. Does the movie have any saving graces? Well, Kenan Thompson and good ole Leslie Nielsen are good some of the time. There are a few jokes that land roughly but in place. Then there are the female cast members who for the most part are very, very pleasant to look at like the three gals playing vampire strippers and Diora Baird and Desi Lydic as the two female leads. Neither can really act though Lydic has comedic potential. Baird has some fine assets to keep abreast of nonetheless. If you are looking for clever or witty humor, you must look elsewhere. If you have an IQ near that of a quasi-literate teen - you might think it is totally rad or some such feeling. Phewwww!

I'm going to say I like it. Don"t get me wrong its a bad movie but it doesn't mean its not enjoyable. Its not to much like Meet the Spartans or date movie were they parody scenes from the movie they parody and make them stupid. They did do that with the monsters by making them look like morons and give them really dumb names but beside that they do have some funny scenes and dialog. And they do try to make the a bit like the people they are base off of. Like when they use their weakness is like what fans made fun of the real people they copied. To defeat Freddy get rid of his glove. Pinhead push the nails in. The mask think with Jason and Myers is not their weakness but it showed how similar they are and that Jason was a ripoff of Myers. Leatherface wait till his chainsaw runs out of gas. And Chucky he is a doll. If you missed that then you have no business making fun of this movie. And the other main characters I thought was a good casting choice and they were really funny. Finally they didn't a a truck load of over the top reality breaking jokes. They have those but its more down played. I'm just saying rethink this one.