Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach (1988)

Commandant Lassard is forced to retire when he reaches the state's mandatory retirement age. He heads to Florida to receive a special award for his service and the Academy gang follows along. While there, they meet Lassard's nephew Nick (Matt McCoy), who is a poor replacement for Mahoney.

And so here we are: the first Police Academy movie without Steve Guttenberg and the first sequel without Bobcat Goldthwait. It's also the first that is completely unfunny and just outright terrible. Although Guttenberg and Bobcat are absent, there are many returning cast members from the series. Bubba Smith, Michael Winslow, David Graf, Leslie Easterbrook, G.W. Bailey, Marion Ramsey, and George Gaynes all return. Sadly, these actors who were all so likable in the series up until now are kind of annoying here. Terrible direction for a series that just gets worse from here on out.

Fmovies: Amusing golf ball slippage indeed. I split my pant laughing. Funny noise man- I shat myself. Tall man - I burst my kidney. Quiet woman who shouts at the end - I leaked urine with laughter. Gun man who likes guns - I burst my colon and shat myself: so amusing.

This was was notable for the silly men slipping on golf balls and for Captain Harris' trouser falling down in the airport.

I am laughing still. Laughing, soiling, leaking urine and reminiscing about this pant splitter of a movie. I love it.

I shall recommend it to all of you as one big mother of a pant splitter. You will laugh, cry, soil, split and above all leak at this movie.

...except for this one. I always loathed and despised this installment in the infamous "comedy" series. Though at times the word "comedy" is loosely applied, as the essence of comedy is to invoke laughter (which these movies do in children...ie, my initial statement). What was it about this movie that always made me loathe it with every fiber of my being, even at age six? Was it the stupid plot? Was it the lack of Steve Gutenberg? Or is it that I've always hated Florida?

No, no, no. The reason I hate this movie? It's simply not Police Academy. It's just a really, really, really, really bad movie with a really stupid and preposterous boat chase at the end. I give it a one out of ten. OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!

Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach fmovies. The "Police" are back and Miami's got them!

And they can have 'em.

"Police Academy 5" would be a disappointment if a college film class had produced, directed and starred in it. But to think that this was committed by Hollywood suits who thought there was a shred of humor in any of this....

Wait, cleansing breath.... Okay, let's continue.

Guttenberg cut out in the last movie, which leaves McCoy as the "romantic/humorous" lead. But not to worry: the rest of the usual gang of idiots comes along, too. Smith, Winslow, Graf, Easterbrook, Ramsey et al, pop up in Miami to help honor their Commandant (Gaynes) who is being honored as Policeman of the Decade on the eve of his forced retirement. Of course, there's the usual complications of jewel smuggling, kidnapping, chases in the Everglades, purse snatchers in drag....

You want the truth, here's the truth: the best part of this entire movie is watching Jones gallivant around in a swimsuit. Now SHE'S a piece of police-work. And Easterbrook is always good to watch lounging by the pool.

And Winslow's vocal wizardry is good for a few chuckles. That's about it.

Two and a half stars. And the next time someone calls you a "dork" while on the beach, check your chest.

"Police Academy V: Assignment: Miami Beach" continues the on-going "Police Academy" "comedies," if you wish. I call them trash.

The first had a few laughs, but was basically a rip-off of "Stripes" with Bill Murray. The second film was decent, and had just enough laughs to watch for. The third was one of those Sunday afternoon flicks. The rest are absolute, slobbering, grimy, putrid trash.

The plot involves Police Chief Lassard heading off to Miami Beach to accept an award. At the airport, he accidentedly switches suitcases with jewel thieves, who want their diamonds back...

This is the excuse for laughs not even half-baked. As always, the things one laughs at are those that the writers did not intend the audience to laugh at, like the end "action" sequence involving alligators, crocodiles, or whatever those fake puppets were.

I don't know how the "Police Academy" series ever got any more productions after the second or third film, but they did. Perhaps, in a sick, demented way, it's for the better. It ruined Steve Guttenberg's career, and gave all aspiring comedy writers something to "not do" when writing a comedy.

1/5 stars--

John Ulmer

There are too many wannabe Siskals, trying to pick every film to death. If you are looking for critical film successes, do not look here. If you are looking for a film that does not take itself seriously, and thereby is fun, then this whole series of films is for you. By the time of this fifth Police Academy film we can view these misfits as old and familiar friends. they each do what they do best. George Gaynes excels as the clueless Eric Lassard, who wanders through life creating chaos in his wake, but always managing to come out on top. He is America's answer to the French Clouseau. Rene Aubejonois is just great as the lead crook in this film. And G.W. Bailey. It takes an actor of rare quality to play the loathed but always accident prone character that he plays. These films are fun, and this one was one of the best.