Hercules in New York (1970)

This is one of the worst movies of all time. The four-hundred-and-something witless souls who awarded this a 10 should be permanently banned from voting.

Forget that it was made on a shoe-string budget, and that at one point Arnold fights the worst bear costume in movie history; forget that he takes his shirt off in every other scene, often with zero motivation; forget that the Mount Olympus scenes are obviously shot in New York; forget even that the acting is of such monumental ineptitude that James Karen (one of the worst actors in "Return of the Living Dead") is far and away the finest thespian in sight. The fact that anybody invested as much as a nickel in a script that one monkey working for one hour could easily have done better is what really blows my mind. The premise is painfully stupid, and the execution of it is as heavy-handed and amateurish as anything you're likely to see. Most porn movies are produced with more consideration for plot.

I recommend "Hercules in New York" to anyone who likes to go to the dentist or enjoys a hard punch in the nose. This is an hour and a half of pure agony.

Fmovies: A film of at times incredible and hilarious ineptitude (scenes of the "gods" on Mount Olympus are interrupted constantly by the sounds of honking horns, which are often louder than the heavenly dialogue) saved to some extent by the sincere starring duo of Stang and Schwartzenneger (whose voice is dubbed in the theatrical version, perhaps unintentionally making this film funnier for those like myself who've seen more than a few Italian "pec epics").

Not a true action picture, more of an attempt at comedy that is more often funny against its intentions. Try to count how many times Arnie says "I am Hercules" (as if to convince HIMSELF that he's truly acting), and if you can make it to the end I'll give you a cracker or something.

You gotta love this film.

If I feel down, all I need to do is think of Arnie fighting the grizzly bear in Hercules in New York and it cracks me up. The grizzly bear is actually just some big guy wearing a Halloween costume, he even moves like a human. But thats not the silliest scene. Arnold also fights a group of sailors with a plank and throws them in the sea, the sound effects and horrible choreography in that scene is hilarious. I've got the version of this movie with Arnies real voice, and just hearing that makes this movie worth getting. But Arnold is not the worst actor in this movie, his partner, Arnold Stang is much worse. The Mafia is even this movie, well, three guys...played by actors who probably auditioned for The Godfather but didn't make it. Yeeeaaahhhh....

The "brilliant" theme song in this movie is played about 500 times.

I would give this movie a one, but it made me laugh...so I guess it deserves a 2. Hoo-Ya.

Hercules in New York fmovies. Don't let the awfulness of this film fool you. Arnold's first and greatest film is, in fact, one of the greatest of all time. Just as financial firms regularly turn losses into gains by multiplying their balance sheets by -1, this film uses awfulness as a deus ex machina to capture the profound depths of our mortal fallibility. Pretzie is the ultimate everyman, selling pretzels by the water and figuring out ways to nickel and dime everyone and pocket the loose book every now and then. But he gets into trouble and has moments of revelation and regret. Hercules' simplicity and god-like physique, as well as Monstro the Magnificent's lopsided hair cut, symbolize the yin and yang of life and death, bigness and smallness, truth and the GOP.

The frequent unfocusing of the shot shows that mankind's mind is frequently unfocused and Arnold's partially literate accent represents the garbled marbles we often use to express the inner desires of our hearts. On a daily basis we are tempted by god-like greatness but frequently fall short of the world's expectations for our bulbous necks and mountainous pecs. Hubris is a 1000lb barbell and it kills. So we are frail, so we must crawl.

Don't be a long shot plunger. We can not temporize the mighty Zeus. This film must be cherished.

I love it! Hercules in New York was the best laugh I've had in a long time! Reminds me of something my sister and I would have done with our old video camera. If you're in the mood for 100% cheese, this is your movie. Who directed this? Ed Wood?

Wow, this movie has to be seen to be believed! I can't believe that Arnold "Pretzie" Stang was overlooked AGAIN by the Academy! A finer piece of work I have not seen! Except perhaps by that guy in the bear suit. Now that was some great acting as well.

Of course, this is all from the perspective of being drunk, which is what you would have to be to like this movie! :P