Train (2008)

A group of American high-school wrestlers in Eastern Europe decide to sneak out from their hotel for the night to go to a rave thus missing their train. They have to take a train suggested by a shady lady instead (because the coach nor any of the students, in typical movie 'ugly American' cliché, speak a lick of Russian any the foreign lady speaks fluent English). Oh and the people who reside in the train in question slaughter stupid Americans.

Originally planned as a remake of the Jamie Lee Curtis-starring minor cult classic '80's film "Terror Train", I shudder to think how mind-numbingly atrocious that would have been because what it morphed into ("Hostel" on a train) is so sheerly incompetent and utterly unwatchable that I can't even grasp what the alternative to this swill would've been. Thora Birch single-handedly destroys any good-will I had for her after "Ghost World" with this bottom of the barrel derivative waste of film. Everything about this movie is just plain dumb.

Eye Candy: an extra gets topless

My Grade: F

Lionsgate DVD Extras: A 14 minute Behind-the-scenes featurette; Promos for Fear.net, Break.com, After Dark Horrorfest 3 & Ghost House Underground films; and trailers for "Frontier(s)" & "Captivity"

Fmovies: I consider my self an avid horror fan and can sit through anything but when it comes to a movie like hostel then i find myself turning away,much like i did with this rip off of hostel. I don't know what is so appealing about sitting for over 90 minutes and watching people being tortured,in my opinion horror has sunk soooo low its unbelievable, Hollywood has run out of ideas so they resort to torture, what makes it worse is that it barely has a story, couple of kids get caught on a train, and on this train is a bunch of people harvesting people for organs, now i know what you thinking it must be hard to operate properly riding on a bumpy train, but no thats OK because the easy way it to make a cut in you then rip you apart with your bare hands just tear those organs out of you the old fashioned way.

So we have kids having fun on a train then we have the main characters boyfriend getting caught and murdered and then a search starts and during that search they get picked of one by one, get tortured then we have the running away then the torturing then the last guy standing smacks the villain with a weapon and instead of killing him off,guess what...he runs away inevitably getting caught and killed and then there's torture, a girl hanging by her mouth on a hook while missing a leg.

So there torture, running,screaming,knuckle dusters to th face,baseball bats to the head, more running more screaming and guess what more torture. I don't see the appeal sitting watching organs getting pulled out and mince human meat all over the place, its disgusting and un-entertaining, if your squeamish don't watch i found myself gagging.

It makes you wonder, if you enjoy this, would you have any problem watching a real snuff film?? Or would you even know the difference??

I like B-movies and most of them I find entertaining. They make some sense and they make me laugh some times, but this movie didn't make any sense at all. I like gore, but I also like to understand what is happening. Maybe the idea was not so bad; the script though didn’t make much sense. Trapped in a train with a bunch of crazy people and they can not help them selves at all. Why? They are athletes. They couldn’t do some damage? Not even something small? They could use sooo many stuff as weapons but they prefer to run and let themselves get caught. When you see what will happen to you if you get caught and you know that you will suffer a lot before you die, wouldn’t you prefer to jump off the train? Than at least you will have a chance of survival? I won’t even start about a bunch of other stuff that just weren’t right because than I would spoil it for those brave souls who will see it. The acting was bad. The director… made me dizzy! Why should you take a shot up side down in a movie like this? It is not about art when it comes to this film. Art has nothing to do with it. Poor choice of shots. Maybe it could be better. We will never know. But the result was so bad. I would not waste my time if I where you. “Hostel” was great, I loved it. This is not “Hostel” and it has a little to do with it. Some ideas you might find them the same. But I fail to see the resemblance.

Train fmovies. At the beginning of the film i felt like i had seen it a dozen times before, the usual ensemble of college students and a couple of teachers...you know!

However within a very short space of time i was drawn into the storyline of the film, and there actually is a plot to follow!

I hadn't read anything about the film before i watched it so spent most off the film saying "No way!" mostly quite shocked at the content of the film and the implications of the plot...

I don't want to write any spoilers so let me say that it is a thriller/horror well worth seeing and anyone who liked a film like Hostel will like this one too and enjoy it...i did:-)

Americans go on a train in Europe that ends up being their last ride.

That's this film summed up in one sentence, one boring sentence that actually is more entertaining than the film. This is Hostel meets Turistas on a train. How many times have we seen good-looking Americans (ugly ones never travel) that somehow get caught up in some sick plot about killing for for money, organ harvesting, teaching lessons, etc. These films seem like ANTI-TRAVEL ads, if you leave the states, you're going to die.

The film doesn't bother with a plot, it simply needs to get characters for the slaughter in specific locations so bad guys can do harmful things to them. Films like these are basically an excuse to showcase gore, just like a film such as 2012 is made to showcase special effects. So how do you judge a film that is simply about cutting people up? You judge it on how well they accomplish that, how creative it can be and if it made you squirm. Does Train do any of these things?

Well, characters are beaten, urinated on, cut open, stabbed, castrated, etc. So there is no real creativity going on here. People are simply chained up and then cut open for the most part. Train manages to fall into the horror clichés that have plagued the genre like a sickness. Let's take a look:

1. Characters have a chance to escape, but don't? Check. 2. Characters have a weapon, drop it and leave it instead of using it? Check. 3. Characters give away passports/I.D. to strangers in other country just because? Check. 4. Characters go back to save someone who cannot be saved? Check. 5. Characters have opportunity to kill attacker, but instead choose to simply injure then run away? CHECK.

This film had me rolling my eyes so much I hurt my eyeballs.

Train is a flick you can miss, it adds nothing to the genre in terms of suspense, thrills, gore, entertainment, anything. It will anger you, frustrate you, cause you to rip your hair out. All these things and more!!!!

Oh my god, i don't know where to start. You finish this movie and you feel empty. Feel like someone stole you an hour and a half and gave nothing in return. I - as a matter of fact - feel angry. Have you seen Hostel or Touristas? Then there's literally NOTHING that will surprise you in this pile of crap. The filmmakers should be sued for plagiarism. All of the characters are two dimensional, underwritten, unlikable and act stupid as hell. One time they have one of the villains on the floor, he's slow like a freaking drugged mule that fell into a swamp, there's FOUR of our "heroes" (ok, two of them kinda disabled), plenty of tools around and what do they do? Run away. That's right, leave those two and yell terrified "there's no time!". I laughed out loud in disbelief. I've seen it before, but never, EVER, executed that badly before. In that moment i gave up rooting anybody. Just die, please, all of you. End this farce. Honorable mention: use of stock sounds. Gave me more laughter. That's how you identify quality movie. Use the most generic stock sounds.