The Beast of Yucca Flats (1961)

Coleman Francis. Gadzooks! When people talk about bad directors they always mention Ed Wood or Andy Milligan, some get as far as H.G. Lewis and real devotees of bad movies will mention Bill Rebane but no one, I mean NO ONE talks about Coleman Francis. Even among bad film afficionados he is a forgotten man. Could his movies be THAT bad? Well actually . . .YES! THE BEAST OF YUCCA FLATS is a movie people remember to-day because it was Tor Johnson's last theatrical film. This movie is the sort of thing drive-in owners lived for. Swedish Tor Johnson, former wrestling superheavyweight champion (in 1935) plays a Russian rocket scientist named Joseph Javorsky. He has defected to America to answer the question of how a flag has been mysteriously planted on the moon. Of course we never find out; in fact that potentially world shaking bit of information is forgotten about 10 minutes into the movie. Tor is chased by a couple of KGB agents into the desert. Notice how these 2 young, healthy guys run and run and run but cannot catch up to the 400lb ex-wrestler. Also notice how they shoot at him from all of 10 meters away and miss! They are all on a nuclear test site but nobody seems to care about that, until the bomb goes off of course. The atom bomb vaporises the 2 bad guys but Tor survives . . .sort of, and mutates into the mad "beast" whom 2 cops spend the rest of the movie tracking down. This picture is also memorable because it is silent. Yes, silent! The soundtrack was either lost or accidentally erased depending on who you talk to (I have heard the same story about THE CREEPING TERROR, 1965) and a narrator tells us what the characters are saying and in some cases even what they are thinking! Is this a classic? Gadzooks no. Is it fun? You bet! It is on video from several sources. Back in 1960 you could have seen this at the drive-in on a double bill with the ultra rare Japanese science fiction thriller SECRET OF THE TELEGIAN. Hmmmm. If I had been around back then that would deffinitely been worth 35cents of my money. Okay now let's talk about that other forgotten director, Joe Mascelli who did THE ATOMIC BRAIN (1965).

Fmovies: This film is really bad but I would like to point out two things which might redeem it somewhat. First, the many & varied techniques for avoiding lip synched sound are positively breath taking. Just because the production company could not afford a portable recorder doesn't mean they didn't know how to use one (if they could have afforded it). For anyone who has ever been stuck having to save a mis-shot scene the film is a goldmine of clever techniques for avoiding showing people's mouths when they speak a line. Second, this film was made very, very cheap. I would venture to guess that the negative cost was ninety percent or better of the budget with most of the rest for food & motel. Most of the actors were probably paid a token amount. Films like this were made for the second 'feature' on the drive in marquee. The drive in manager was looking for cost effectiveness & he knew his audience well. The couples were into 'heavy petting' by the time the second feature started. The guys in cars were passing around the beer their uncle bought them & loved to laugh & hoot at these films as much as we do today. In short this film was made to fit the rigid economics of it's time & purpose. It is fascinating to watch the film cleverly totter along the edge of coming apart into a melange of unrelated scenes. It never does. It maintains a shaky but believable continuity. This is not an accident. It relates to the core purpose of producing the product at the cheapest possible cost. The first scene is an exception to this. A strange, unrelated shower strangling. Confusing, but it sure does get your attention. I have come to believe that this scene is a cheap ripoff of Psycho which came out a year earlier. Both this scene & the soft porn shots of the sheriff's wife were tailor made for still promos & to slip by the censor. They even get away with a 54 minute run time.

This is where the Last Laugh comes in. This film made money in the most ruthless & cheap part of the film business in it's time frame; & it continues to make money today. Yes, people still buy or rent it to hoot at because it's so bad; Just like we did in the sixty's when it came out (re-named & re-released several times). This classic stinker may not be part of the "Art" of film but it sure is part of the business of film. The producer/director got both your money & the last laugh.

Forget "Plan Nine from Outer Space" and "Bride of the Monster" this Coleman Francis calamity gives Tor Johnson the role of a lifetime. As a scientist turned atomic desert mutant, Tor gets to stumble over rocks, pet a bunny, and scare two ugly kids with a stick, all without a soundtrack! Arguably the worst film ever made.

The Beast of Yucca Flats fmovies. The towering presence of "Swedish Angel" Tor Johnson and laughable narration that sounds at times like some kind of oriental poetry fail to make this film more than barely watchable. There is no real dialogue (presumably the producers couldn't afford a travelling microphone) -- all the dialogue is postdubbed with the actors conveniently turning their heads away when the speak! -- or story, and the only effects are a guy parachuting off a helicopter and Johnson in pancake makeup. Still, a somehow amusing low-budget film filled with friends and associates of the late great Ed Wood.

Tor Johnson is probably best remembered for his starring in the so-called "worst movie ever made" Plan 9 from Outer Space! Well, the people who voted this obviously never saw The Beast of Yucca Flats! Ed Wood's Plan 9 is an authentic masterpiece compared to Coleman Francis' unendurable work of art. As most of my fellow-reviewers already pointed out: everything that can go possibly wrong in a movie features here…times ten! Even though the story only lasts 54 minutes, it's one of the most tedious experiences I ever had to sit through! Johnson plays a devoted scientist (oh yeah, he really looks like one) chased by cops (why? You tell me…) into a radiation test-area. There, he transforms into some sort of Hulky monster that goes on a lame prowl in the desert. What follows is a hilarious attempt by Francis to create tension and confusion, as he shows cops hunting down the wrong person (for 10 minutes!) and Johnson chasing two young boys that got lost in the wastelands. There's as good as no dialogue in the film, only Francis' own voice-over. And I guarantee you'll be wishing him dead after approximately 15 minutes. He talks the biggest nonsense (example: "Touch a button. Things happen. A scientist becomes a beast") and personally introduces you to even the most meaningless side-character! Argh, the humanity!! The spontaneously improvised ending (featuring Johnson kissing a baby rabbit) just stresses how ingeniously awful this production actually is. Oh well, at least it's bad in a fun way. Most of the time, you can't figure out whether to pity or worship everyone involved in this film. Johnson wisely decided to quit his acting career after this but Coleman Francis ambitiously persisted chasing his dreams and delivered the – even worse – film "Night Train to Munde Fino" in 1966. His cinema career regretfully ended with guest appearances where he got credited as "Fat drunk" or "1st man"… What a damn shame! Believe the public opinion on this one, folks! It really is awful…

I had no idea when I started watching this movie what it was about but I was very well surprised by the extremely low quality of the movie.

It consists of no on screen dialog, a speaker-voice reads an pretensious load of crap as Tor Johnson staggers around as a confused Russian scientist harmed by a nuclear-test. Even if someone for some bizarre reason would WANT to make such an insane movie they would not have been able to come up with something like this.

Only a truly deranged mind could make such a movie. A genius in its own world of badness, competing with brilliant filmmakers like Ed Wood and others but Coleman Francis outnumbers them all!!