Invasion of the Blood Farmers (1972)

Invasion of the Blood Farmers (1972) has to be one of the worst horror films I have ever seen (and I have seen too many to count). I could have found nothing remotely interesting with this movie. It is so bad that I had a hard time even trying to make fun of it. Nothing is good or entertaining about this movie. I even watched this in a movie theater and nobody could heckle at the screen. Why were films like this ever made? Who actually thought of investing in this film? How did this market this movie? Some questions are best left unanswered. This one will always be a mystery to me why it has a cult following.

Not recommended at all.

Fmovies: On one hand this movie is truly a color filmed Ed Wood movie -- it's THAT bad.

On the other hand it's filmed like a 70's exploitation flick that would show up in some mob run movie house.

And then there's one other rub -- the movie is made by a fellow Queens boy. He made most of it in his home in Westchester -- not far from NYC -- and the surrounding woods.

The acting is miserable. In fact some of the actors kept forgetting their lines and needed cue cards. The druids were supposed to be space aliens but they didnt have enough money for a space film.

In the end, I have to say I cannot make any excuses. The film is bad. Not even worthy of cult status

A small band of druids lives in what looks like rural New York where they kill people, hook their bodies up to blood-sucking machines, and mix and match blood till some bizarre blood type is created to bring back the life of their long-dead druid queen. The "farmers" harvest their victims in hotels, bars, and in gardens no less. This film, brought to you by the same brains behind Shriek of the Mutilated, is really very very VERY bad, but is nonetheless fun to watch. It is inspired bad film-making. Let's talk plot first. The story is ridiculous and has no depth at all. None of the characters are developed. The acting is horrid(no one in the film did anything else except the guy that played Egon). The guy playing the male lead walks through his lines like he is being coached every second. Even worse is the bozo playing the policeman wearing shades and saying his lines with absolutely no conviction at all. The older fella playing Dr. Anderson is bad as he makes excessive gestures with his face, but at least he is earnest about his performance. The worst performance by far though is by some guy playing the druid king or whatever named Creton. He acts more like a drag queen as he barks out stupid mumbo jumbo about bringing his lost queen back to life. A real hum-dinger of a performance! There are some somewhat effective scenes of suspense that lasts a few seconds here and there, but don't expect any real scares. Instead, sit down and get ready to laugh...laugh...and laugh.

Invasion of the Blood Farmers fmovies. This cheapo nonsense-fest has a bunch of druids in the backwoods capturing victims and draining their blood, which they intend to use to revive their queen. Or something. This abysmally acted and directed affair has a certain amount of charm, while still being essentially dreadful. Comically, the first victim is a character called Jim Carrey! According to director Ed Adlum, a friend of his invited him to Universal Studios for an opportunity to meet Steven Spielberg a few years after the huge success of Jaws. He shook Spielberg's hand, and told him that he used to be a filmmaker. When Spielberg asked what movies he had directed, he replied, "'Invasion of the Blood Farmers'." Spielberg immediately turned around and walked away without saying a single word.

In rural New York, fiendish farmers are abducting people and harvesting their blood! Have the dastardly druids of old returned to appease their gore-loving gods? Or, have aliens arrived to siphon the populace dry? Or, both?

Local scientists uncover blood that increases in volume, while bloodstains refuse to be cleaned up from the floor of the local saloon! Can science unlock the secrets of the INVASION OF THE BLOOD FARMERS?

Beware! If the sight of pink blood makes you ill, stay away! If fuzzy dogs turning into car wash buffers makes you retch, steer clear! If the thought of a man showering causes you intestinal distress, run away, now! If farmers frighten you, then, well, flee immediately! There are actual farmers in this film! In straw hats and overalls! With a barn!

IN ADDITION, THERE IS: #1- A bellowing scientist with flyaway hair! #2- A jiggling man, jabbering like he's being electrocuted and staked to an anthill, simultaneously! #3- A space hippie / druid, who speaks as though he's rehearsing for the play-within-a-play sequence in HAMLET! #4- A shirtless hillbilly with an ax! #5- A staggering drunk, staggering to his own theme song! #6- A sheriff who sounds an awful lot like Frosty The Snowman in a mob movie!

All this in a town where it's always broad daylight, even at night! And! So! Much! More!

A non-produced, misdirected, miraculous shambles! Hyper-schlock addicts rejoice aloud! Thy deliverance is at hand...

"Invasion of the Blood Farmers" is a B movie to treasure. It's overflowing with the kind of priceless ineptitude that makes movies like this so much damn fun. The acting, for the most part, is terrible, the dialogue is riotous, and the premise absolutely delicious.

It involves farmers who are also druids, harvesting the people of a rural area for their blood. Investigating the corpse of one person who managed to get away, scientist Roy Anderson (Norman Kelley) and his loyal student Don Tucker (Bruce Detrick) find that his blood is able to increase in amount on its own.

As they do their sleuthing, the Druid in Charge, Creton (Paul Craig Jennings) explains the whole motivation and plot just to make sure we get it.

This movie will stink up your joint something fierce; as co-written and directed by Ed Adlum, it provides laughs consistently enough to make it palatable for 77 minutes. The sound effects are appropriately disgusting, and the bargain basement gore is wonderful in its tackiness. Kelley is a gas in the lead, with fumbling support from Detrick, Tanna Hunter as his daughter Jenny, Richard Erickson as Sontag / Kinski, and Frank Iovieno as Police Chief Frank Spano. They're all "good", but Jennings, the one person in this whose acting borders on competent, is an utterly campy delight. The best exchange happens when Iovieno is interrogating Erickson; Erickson gives him a long winded, b.s. answer to a question, and Iovieno responds with a deadpan "Oh, okay, I think I understand". Sexy young Hunter and other ladies provide a little bit of eye candy.

Highly recommended to those cult movie fanatics who should have a great time enjoying it with beers and buddies.

Five out of 10.