Yours, Mine and Ours (2005)

Nothing against Dennis Quaid or Rene Russo, but they certainly were in way over their heads, not because they had to contend with 18 snotty brats, but rather because of this tedious and contrived script adaptation that strangles a once amusing story.

First of all, the romance is implausible. A stern Coast Guard admiral who regiments his ten offspring like so many deck swabbies meets a free-spirit who lets her eight kids run wild, and these polar opposites fall instantly in love? Then, like two infatuated teenagers, they impulsively run off and elope faster than you can say, "Vegas wedding with Elvis, please." After this, the movie just disintegrates into a parade of scenes of this mob of kids yelling, crying, fighting, breaking things, or something always falling on the dad. No comedy; just tired, overused old jokes, and monotonously boring. The plot is built upon these hateful creeps plotting to destroy their parents' marriage and happiness. Funny? No, it's not. Typical of this inept movie is the routine ending which doesn't even fit the action that precedes it. For those who can't wait to see the obligatory scene of a little kid puking, don't worry; it's here too. After watching this, you may do the same.

Just plain irritating.

Fmovies: The advent of mixed families is certainly more relevant today than it was when this film was originally made in 1968 (with Lucille Ball and Henry Fonda in the leads); but that doesn't make this newer version a better film – not by a long shot.

That movie was quaint and cute for it's time, had a great, emotional conclusion and even inspired the television series, "The Brady Bunch."

This is – by far – one of the worst films of the Year of Bad Films. It is directed by Raja Gosnell (which is appropriate because he was responsible for both horrid Scooby-Doo movies) as if he were hit on the head with a huge circus mallet. This picture tries to combine joy, love, comedy, pathos and crude slapstick into a rollicking family good time.

It doesn't work. The leads, Renee Russo ("Two for the Money") and Dennis Quaid, "Flight of the Phoenix"), have no chemistry and the children – all amazingly attractive, but talentless – are nothing more than annoying and idiotic. The situations they are tossed into are far-fetched, ridiculous and, worst of all, totally unfunny. Not the best thing to say about a comedy.

Frank Beardsley (Quaid) is a widower with eight mostly cute blonde, blue-eyed children, and a Coast Guard Admiral, to boot. He runs the family well, like a Coast Guard Admiral, constantly blowing his hornpipe, having them fall in and organizing them into work groups. After moving to New London, Conn. in one of the great plot conveniences of all-time, he meets widow Helen North, a free-spirited handbag designer who knew Frank in high school.

Within one jump cut – and without meeting each other's offspring – the two tie the knot. Thus, when the families finally get together, the kids – naturally – hate each other. Among these "actors," there is every type of cliché; a Boy Scout, a military cadet, a cheer- leader, a punk rocker, a grunge singer, a couple of sets of twins, two precocious little boys, and other assorted goofballs.

Also, to keep things as diverse and politically-correct as possible, Helen adopted six of hers, including some Mexicans, Indians, a jive black dude and a gay Asian. It's like the floor of a Democratic National Convention.

Add to this mishmash a pot-bellied pig (why directors think a strange pet is funny is way beyond me – remember the duck in "The Pacifier"?), who makes about 100 appearances, including at a hardware store, at the kids' school, and in Frank's bed, and you have a recipe for Holiday disaster. It's like having the whole family over and your father gets falling-down drunk and knocks over the tables with the food on it. No, wait, that would actually be humorous. This movie is a bomb like none dropped on the slums of Baghdad by Dick Cheney.

If this film were any more of a dog, it would be dragging its butt across the driveway. And, after the 10th fight in which the children mess up and destroy the house, a store and everything else in sight, you start to feel a little sick to your stomach.

It was also more than a little embarrassing to see Quaid doing lame slapstick (he gets splattered with paint and vomit, covered with sand, knocked to the ground and falls in a wading pool full of slime), and playing second fiddle to a bunch of little brats. Of course, he deserves it for taking on this role once played so well by Henry Fonda.

Russo, who allows her evil moppets to get away with anything, doesn't fare as bad – unless you count her

My 11-year-old daughter loved "Yours, Mine and Ours." Of course, my daughter loves all movies, including the one from earlier this year about the talking zebra. On the way out from "Yours, Mine and Ours," she commented, "That was a great movie, wasn't it, Dad?"

"Yeah, it was great," I lied.

This is a cold, often times mean-spirited movie involving scheming children hell-bent on destroying their parents' marriage. As plans are set in motion, the once loving relationship between the unsuspecting Quaid and Russo quickly deteriorates into heated arguments, hurt feelings and tearful nights. Charming stuff.

There are very few laughs in this movie. Ten minutes of 18 kids doing their best to destroy their fixer-up lighthouse home was enjoyable. But as 10 minutes turned into 60 minutes of the same — food fights, flying paint and spewing vomit — I couldn't wait for this mess to come to an end.

No substance, no warmth, no charm. "Yours, Mine and Ours" should have been about family fun. Well, at least my daughter liked it.

Yours, Mine and Ours fmovies. This movie was excellent, it one of very few family movies that are suitable for all ages. Many people say they didn't like it, and gave it bad ratings probably because, there's no sexual humor or sex scenes. These days, If there's sex in a movie, then that makes it interesting and good. Hardly anyone understands that family movies are for families, they're not meant to be nasty to watch, it should be enjoyable for everyone. Movies can be great without that garbage. The humor was good and you can really feel the compassion in this movie. Its great for kids. I loved the way things happened, like the physical humor and the kid actors/actresses were so adorable. The only thing I didn't like about it was the fight over a boy that the two older girls had. I think it was stupid and unnecessary. Drake Bell did a really good job on his part. He was witty and full of drama with the different situations throughout the movie. Everyone did a great job. I give it a 8 out of 10.

Both Russo and Quaid have an energy between them, but they cannot redeem this film, with a paltry script and too many characters, so that the supporting cast remain that, and wasted! The film seems to work on the premise that bigger is always better, and the direction seems to go that way too. What could have benefited from some quieter, uncluttered subtlety, becomes an assault on one's senses, patience and believability.

This film could have been better had it been downscaled a bit, and had some honest attempt been made to show plausible character development. Although just released (in SA), it has a jaded feel about it.

This comedy might well be yours but it's not mine!

When Admiral Frank Beardsley returns to his hometown after years of Coast Guard service, he meets his old flame Helen North at a high school reunion. Both recently widowed, the two find the old sparks again immediately and marry on a whim. There's one catch. Frank has eight children and Helen has ten children (many adopted).

Someone should tell the writers of Yours, Mine and Ours that chaos does not equal funny. Two parents, eighteen kids, one crazy nanny and one pig all live under the same house, so hilarity is supposed to ensue right? Well, not in this film. All of the laughs are few and far in between and when the movie is over, all you're left with is one big headache. Kids will most likely eat this one up but they deserve better films than this. It's no surprise that this film is a dud since its directed by Raja Gosnell. He is your typical bland director and he doesn't have much imagination. He always puts the lamest jokes and pratfalls into his films like Dennis Quaid falling face first into a bucket of paint.

Dennis Quaid plays the uptight father and he pretty much makes a fool of himself here. He seems to be trying so hard to get a laugh from the audience but he fails. I'm surprised he took this role since this is a little out of his usual element but I guess Tim Allen was busy. Rene Russo plays his wife and she was okay but a little bland. After this film and Two for the Money, she needs a new agent because she actually is talented. There were so many kids that it was hard to keep track of them. Most of them were either bland or they played annoying characters. There were a few that showed a little potential for the future but I wouldn't hold my breath. In the end, a weak story, very few laughs, weak acting and bad direction equals a poor film and this movie is better left on the shelf. Rent the original instead. Rating 3/10