Vampires Suck (2010)

I wouldn't have watched this if not for a friend who wanted to catch a comedy together, though I must admit I'm still pretty intrigued and amazed at how writer-directors Jason Friedberg and Adam Seltzer managed to continue get money thrown at them to make terrible, unfunny comedies such as sub par works like Meet the Spartans, Disaster Movie, Epic Movie and Date Movie, the last which to me was mildly amusing. Gone are the days of the Zucker brothers, and now we're stuck with low-brow efforts like what Friedberg and Seltzer continuously dish out, setting their sights at whatever's popular genre at the moment.

And that of course is the phenomenon we call Twilight, where it's already three films old, and taking its cue from the Harry Potter franchise, decided to split its last book into two films, done squarely for profits. Poking fun at something popular is expected, but to do so in the Friedberg-Seltzer fashion just reeks of desperation. They seem to throw anything and everything into the film, without even due consideration if it's funny, or not. There are plenty of sight gags, innuendos, and just plain badly designed scenes that don't flow from one to another, making it look like a series of school children skits that got strung together, hammering wooden pegs into rounded holes, and jokes that's 99% bad, you'll find more pleasure from experiencing long nails clawed against a chalkboard.

Even more curious is the demographics out to support / watch this film. As I was understandably surrounded by women of all ages who turn out in droves to watch the Twilight movies, I was again equally surrounded by the same demographics for this one in a near full house. Clearly, I don't think they're that vacuous to, for a moment, think that their highly anticipated sequel film had arrived, or even remotely suspect that this is a companion film. I suspect though that for all the spoof movies out there, there's always a great chance that the impersonators of their favourite yummy characters will look equally yummy. Sorry to burst your bubble, but Matt Lanter as Edward Sullen is miles away from Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen even though both cannot act, and Chris Riggi as Jacob White is not Taylor Lautner as Jacob Black even though both share equal number of pronounced abs (hmm... maybe this could be a reason, Team Jacob was actually out supporting this?).

The only thing that was the rare shining light in this film, happens to be Jenn Proske as Becca Crane, who did an awesome job impersonating how Kristen Stewart would play Bella Swan, down to all the subtle nuances that if Stewart decides to leave her role, then the Twilight producers can plonk Proske right in. It's really uncanny watching her ham up the Bella spoof, but do note that I'm not praising her performance either as she's just carbon-copying what another actress had done, although pitch perfect.

I did laugh out loud here and there, but it's laughing at the film in how it got away with the stupidest of jokes and the absurdity at who this project could have been green lit by a Hollywood studio (says a lot, doesn't it?) I hope Friedberg and Seltzer either learn from the best in the comedic business, or quit filmmaking altogether. Vampires Suck sucks. Period. And I'm just feeling dirty having to recount what I had watched, and to craft a review for it.

Fmovies: Vampires Suck! is the latest film from those who brought you the Scary Movie series. That being said, I already had fairly low expectations. If you absolutely despise Twilight, like I do, you will probably find this laughable, like I did. In the movie by itself, there were a few jokes that gave chuckles, but very few. Now as a spoof of Twilight, this did quite well. I have had the painful memories of having to actually watch those "films," and of the events that happen in the first two, Vampires Suck went over nearly all of them and exposed the ridiculousness of them. This is really the only redeeming factor that Vampires Suck! has. All in all, give it a try if you hate Twilight, otherwise, stay far away. Don't even rent it.

This film is about a girl who moves into a village that is rampant with vampires. She falls in love with a vampire but she got dumped before the prom.

Seriously, what is the point of making "Vampire Sucks"? It's like remaking two films into one, but in a really bad way. The supposed spoofs are not even spoofs, but are just re-enactment of scenes from "Twilight" and "New Moon". The story is an amalgamation of the two films, but it is fragmented and incoherent. Most of the so called jokes are silly and simply ridiculous. There were a few one liners that made me chuckle, but most of the jokes were not funny.

Whatever you do, just don't pay to watch this.

Vampires Suck fmovies. Oh, Friedberg and Seltzer. How woefully you are viewed upon by over half the film world's population today. The films you have made have been deemed some of the worst ever. However, there are still some traces of fans out there, whether anyone believes it or not. I, myself, am certainly not a fan, but I understand both sides of the scale and review your films unbiasedly. With that said, I have to admit that I rather enjoyed the latest spoof from these two.

The Twilight phenomenon is an utter joke among many already. A feature length spoof of the movies seemed like it was bound to happen, but who would have known it would have been created by them. Some might enjoy this because they find any mocking of the Twlight films joyous. Some might enjoy this because they honestly find the antics humorous. Most will hate it entirely because of the directors. In any matter, I found it fun because of how well crafted I actually thought it was and how many times it made me laugh because of how funny the movie managed to be by working off the films' it mocks cheesiness areas.

Like some have already reviewed saying, this is an improvement in many ways. Unlike all their other films, this actually focuses on spoofing just the two first Twilight films and does not rely on criticizing every film they possibly can as well as making lame pop culture reference after lame pop culture reference to get giggles, even though there still are pop culture references in there, they're just not as lame and are spaced out for our brain's convenience.

Jenn Proske and Matt Lanter are actually incredible, in a sense, in their performances. Proske covered every Kristen Stewart fault swimmingly as did Matt Lanter for Robert Pattinson. Even though that's generally not something to be proud of, it works here. The movie doesn't linger on humorless side jokes until the point where boredom is spewing out of our mouths, and the crew captures the essence that I was looking for in this film. Yes, it has many problems, what Friedberg and Seltzer film doesn't? It still is entertaining in the right mood, and just maybe the two have finally started to perfect on what they have been oblivious to all this time, or maybe I have just gotten used to their mediocrity, but regardless, I think this film deserves more appreciation than some Friedberg and Seltzer haters will give it.

Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer are the single worst filmmakers currently working in the realm of mainstream cinema. This pair of writers/directors is responsible for single-handedly destroying the parody genre. I consider their third film, Meet the Spartans, to be the single worst movie of the last decade – one which gave us a dozen well known and lesser known treasures by Uwe Boll. But where Boll shows ambition and dare I say, "style", Friedberg and Seltzer exhibit laziness and a lack of purpose. These two hacks throw in dated pop culture references and steal the work of others, and seem to get away with calling it comedy.

It is funny to note then that their first movie in two years, Vampires Suck, is a parody riffing on the Twilight series. The duo gleefully crib from Twilight and New Moon, providing us with the tale of new girl Becca (Jenn Proske) who falls in love with the vampire Edward (Matt Lanter), and all the problems that come with their newfound romance.

My immediate question, before even beginning to try and discuss this waste of time, is why did Friedberg and Seltzer ever think it was a good idea to make a parody of the Twilight series? The films are unintentionally hilarious as it is. And True Blood has been on for three seasons now, and for all intents and purposes, it is merely a darkly satirical and much more adult version of Twilight. So right off the bat, these two brilliant minds are mining at something that has already been done. I guess it was money, but who would knowingly believe Twilight fans would rush out to see a movie bashing their beloved franchise much less the haters who would not be caught dead seeing the film as it is?

It just seems overly baffling to me, what could possibly have made anyone think this film is a good idea. It recycles the unintentional jokes from the series, and packages them in a way that either rips them off lightly or just come off as not being anywhere near as funny as they were before. I chuckled at a few parts here and there, but they were only mild chuckles. There is nothing inherently funny or stands out as being hilarious at any given point in the film. Perhaps Friedberg and Seltzer are laughing – but no one else is laughing with them. I had the good fortune of not having to see this movie in a theatre, but I can imagine the film's showings are silent enough that the filmgoers can hear the projector whirling more than they can hear anyone laughing.

I will give credit however in the fact that unlike their previous atrocities and crimes against cinema-goers all over the world, Vampires Suck does not deviate from its riffing of the Twilight. Characters still make dated pop culture references (is anyone in five years even going to remember The Kardashians? I barely know who they are now), but no one from other films is just thrown into the film at random. The film never stops to suddenly jump into making fun of another film or franchise (outside of a total throwaway blink-and-you-will-miss-it gag involving Alice from Alice in Wonderland). It stays consistent throughout, and to me, suggests a minor development of maturity on the parts of the filmmakers. Or of course, they realized there was nowhere they could possibly throw someone like Justin Bieber or Cobb from Inception, and not confuse the audience even more than they like already are.

But this consistency comes with a price. Instead of whipping by, the film runs at an incredibly slow pace. I fell asleep twice, and somehow barely missed anything. They do a fair

So far, the Twilight films have been extremely disappointing and they have all received pretty low ratings from me. I decided to check out Vampires Suck, thinking it would be a good laugh. Unfortunately, I could count the amount of times I laughed on one hand.

The film was full of cheap gimmicks, badly written lines that were not even close to being funny and actually, much like the Twilight films themselves, terribly structured with mass chunks of uneventful time filling.

The lead actress is a fantastic Kristen Stewart impersonator - literally every twitch, facial expression and bodily movement is spot-on. Even her voice is extremely similar! Having never seen her in anything else however, it remains to be seen how far her acting skills actually stretch.

There is really nothing much to comment on, simply because there was nothing in the film that was really worth noting. Don't bother seeing this one - simply AWFUL!