They/Them (2022)

A message isn't a story

Maybe, just maybe, if this had been better written by someone who knew how to write a solid slasher flick, and directed by someone with some real horror chops, and starring some genuine talent besides Kevin Bacon and Anna Chlumsky, it might have been okay.

Might.

The supporting cast in a horror flick is critical. Why do you think that so many big stars started out as bit players in horror flicks?

These muppets could have been replaced with planks of wood with faces drawn on in crayon, and voiced by mynha birds.

The cinematography was terrible.

The script was terrible.

The sound was probably the best thing about the movie, and only by the fact that it was competent, whereas everything else was botched.

Oh, and the movie was also lit using an old IndiGlo watch.

Just avoid this. Please. For your sake. Really.

Fmovies: The plot of this movie is completely ridiculous, but it's all played with a straight face. It felt like this wasn't originally meant to be a slasher movie, but that it was worked into the script to allow for the clever wordplay in the title. There are plenty of unintentionally hilarious moments, but most of the movie is uneventful and dull, or just plain irritating. If you've seen a horror movie before you will be able to predict everything before it happens. The camp attendees are written as if they're supposed to be children, even frequently being referred to as kids, even though the characters are actually adults. Why not just make the characters younger if you want the audience to believe they would willingly subject themselves to this camp? Seriously, they could leave at any time, and there is nothing forcing them to abide by the camp's absurd rules (i.e giving away their phones and medication). For a movie about diversity and inclusion it's ironic how unwilling it is to take any risks. The characters are walking cliches, and their transparent dialogue will have you rolling your eyes. This movie might just bore you straight.

Oh, dang it. That first two acts were really good. Why did they have to slash all those efforts with THAT finale?

I kept thinking, this would be a perfect double or triple feature with Red State and most definitely, But, I'm a Cheerleader. But, noooo, those are so much better. Watch those if you haven't seen them, or again if you have. This one...eh.

A group of youths attend a gay conversion camp and we get to know pretty much every character well and their struggles. Unfortunately, they're still at a gay conversion camp and yet, things are about to get a lot worse.

Let me backtrack a bit on my opinions above. I LOVED Kevin Bacon in this. In fact, I would go on record saying this is one of his best performances, start to finish. I even loved all the nods to Friday the 13th and some of his other movies I caught. And nicely enough, as much as I loved his acting and choices, this was much like his other movie I love so much, A Few Good Men: there were no bad actors or characters here.

ALL of the cast where great and I truly got invested in each. I was really digging the first and second acts as I got to know each individual, chemistry and charisma.

Also, I'm liking the trend of modern horror as the first half is solid character/story building, making us CARE for the characters. While this one followed that trend, it took it a little too far. This is supposed to be a slasher, but aside from the very few killer scenes sprinkled about, the movie doesn't kick it into high gear until the last 10-15 minutes. The slashing was such an incredibly small part of the first 75 (of 90) minutes, I started to believe it was just added on because Bacon starred in another camp-set, masked-killer film. In fact, by minute 75, I really just wanted to see a much longer movie exploring the villains developed in the first two acts.

And while I can appreciate the heart in the ending, including the monologue, but it just didn't fit. And it all felt so quickly and haphazardly thrown together. Even though there was only one writer, the third act HAD to be someone else's idea.

Sadly, I can't recommend this. If only they slashed the slasher aspects and just kept the heart of the story inside the character's bodies.

***

Final Thoughts: Oh, and I guessed way too easily who the killer was. Just an FYI, despite the grand number of slasher films I've seen and reviewed, I rarely ever guess the killer or ending. Truthfully, I'd rather NOT guess. I love to be surprised. This "twist" was absolutely not a surprise.

They/Them fmovies. This film exploits it's cast/topic while trying to sell you that it's a horror movie. It's a horrible movie. They could have really made a cool take on horror with this, but it's just so clumsily done, it's almost unwatchable. Shame.

The title is literally the only thing in this movie that was original. Entire movie was predictable once we knew it was going to use the same old tropes.

They/Them is a dissatisfying slasher that has interesting ideas, and a decent first half. But quickly divulges into a dull and uninspired slasher.

Starting off with the good, Kevin Bacon and Theo Germaine are very good with the material their given. Theo Germaine especially is a standout as this actor gives some surprising depth to his character. Speaking of depth all of these young kids actually have some character scenes that feel real. There's quite a bit of great emotional scenes between these characters which really made the film more grounded. And the first half of this film was actually somewhat decent. The physiological horror is actually done pretty well.

However despite some good ideas and good character moments, this film is a tonal mess from the last 30 minutes. The pacing is way too slow, in fact it's not really even a slasher for about 75 minutes. The movie builds to really nothing. It almost makes the slasher part of the film feel unnecessary, and almost a completely different film than the first half. The kills are very dull and uninventive, there's no creativity here. There's no tension or even any chase scenes. The movie falls back on a lot of horror clichés, and it made the final act very boring and disappointing. There's also some really bad editing in the final 20 minutes that make some scenes involving a certain character and the killer make no sense. And finally the killer was blatantly obvious. It's a terrible twist that you can see coming a mile away and really it makes you look back and see that none of our protagonist were in actual danger with the killer

Overall They/Them has an interesting premise, but doesn't do anything with that premise and offers no thrills, no blood, awful motivation, and a lack of scares.