Nine (2009)

Where do I begin? I scoffed at the people leaving the cinema after only 5 minutes. "Uncultured fools", I thought. Only afterwards did I realise that they were the lucky ones: I lost two hours of my life (and maybe more) being exposed to this utter rubbish.

As a musical, the best parts (and I use the term "best" very loosely here) of this film are when the cast aren't screeching out an unmemorable number. Seriously, you won't remember any of it other than the "Guido! Guido! Guido!" ringing in your ears.

Even having Penelope Cruz's scantily-covered crotch thrust into your face didn't improve things. The rest of the "all star" cast doesn't fair much better: Sophia Loren looks like an extra-terrestrial (no doubt from having one face-stretch too many), Daniel Day-Lewis is forgettable and is upstaged by his car (which, seriously, is the only interesting showpiece in the entire film), Nicole Kidman does practically nothing, Judy Dench is in her typical mother-hen role, and Fergie (who is apparently not the ex-member of the British Royal Family but a member of the Black Eyed Peas) I can't remember seeing. Must have slept through her performance, but presumably it must have been better than the rest since it didn't wake me up with its sheer awfulness.

How this film garnered no less than 5 Golden Globe nominations is a complete mystery. Even the cast members interviewed on Larry King looked bewildered - they must have been as surprised as I would have been if I had seen this mess.

It's rare that I feel the need to write a review. However, in this case I think I need to do so if only to save people from spending their money to watch this tripe. It certainly goes on my list of all-time worst movies that I've ever seen, along with Speed 2, and The Blair Witch Project. Rob Marshall has a lot to answer to for this crime against cinema - and for that matter, humanity.

Fmovies: The film is beautiful, visually stunning, and exciting, and the cast is remarkable, especially Penelope Cruz (no surprise there), Marion Cotillard (her singing is wonderful), and the gal who blows the doors off -- an unrecognizable (to me, anyhow) Fergie! I was watching the credits to see who the hell played Saraghina, and was stunned to learn it was Stacy Ferguson. Go Fergie! Judi Dench is a smash as well. Nicole Kidman doesn't reveal anything we haven't seen before, but she does bring the large dollop of Movie Star shine for which her role calls. Even Kate Hudson pleases; her 60's go-go dance will inevitably bring comparisons to her mother's "Laugh In" heyday.

Having said all that, I honestly don't know who is the audience for this film. "Nine" was hardly the Broadway smash that "Dreamgirls", or "Chicago" was, and the score is entirely obscure. Additionally, do most people really care about the trials and tribulations of a self-involved, duplicitous 1960's-era Italian filmmaker? Does it matter? Do you have to actually like the protagonist to learn something from his experiences? Box-office-wise, this picture is going to live or die on the reviews, and people's interest in seeing these actresses shine. (I read here that Renee Zellwegger was under consideration for a role in this film... What a disaster that would have been!) And, of course, those who like seeing Daniel Day Lewis stretch new muscles (he chain smokes! He sings!) I enjoyed it very, very much... and now I'm very curious to see what the world thinks of it.

Today, I went to see Rob Marshall's new musical, Nine, obviously based upon the Broadway musical of the same name, that based off Fellini's 8 1/2. It should be mentioned that the movie contains not quite as many songs as the stage performance does, but, each actress in the wonderful cast having one song, and the way the songs are presented, it certainly works.

Daniel Day-Lewis leads the cast, playing Italian filmmaker Guido Contini, who is about fifty, and going through something of a midlife crisis. Lewis brings a lot of panache to the role, belting out his lyrics with such assurance that this part has been well-practiced and a certain amount of passion has been brought into it, playing the character perfectly.

His long-suffering wife Luisa, splendidly re-imagined, not played by Marion Cotillard, is the one gem in the cast that outshines all of its other members. You feel emotion for her character that you don't feel for the others, you can tell that her character has been through a lot, and you're happy to see her come out on top at the end.

Penelope Cruz also adds a lot to the film, playing Contini's mistress, Carla, a role that 30 Rock's Jane Krakowski played on Broadway, Cruz also brings a lot of emotion and sass, often simultaneously, to her role. You really understand Contini's predicament, and sympathize with the character, for not being able to break her heart, or that of his wife. Her musical number brings a lot of excitement, and her enthusiasm, and her roaring Soprano is unlike anything we ever thought we'd see from this actress. I see her winning awards a-many for her performance in this.

Dame Judi Dench, always worthwhile, plays Lilli, Contini's wisecracking costume designer and confidante. Dench brings comic relief, having more scenes than any other of the actresses in the film, but also brings depth, playing a kind of a psychiatrist to the lead character, and also bringing a fantastic voice, for her musical number, which contains many chorus girls in feather boas, you think you're watching The Rockettes or something out of A Chorus Line, but for the song, it certainly works.

Fergie plays Saraghina, a figure from Contini's youth who taught him about love, and how to attract a woman. Fergie only has one scene in the movie, basically. She shows up in the overture, and finale, but, her only big scene is her show-stopping musical number Be Italian, which generated applause in my theatre. It makes me wonder if they used Fergie less, because maybe her acting talents were not up to par. I guess we'll never know, but her singing voice is something we didn't even expect from her, as she belts the lyrics with such undeniable passion and exuberance, you're glad this minor role was played by her.

Nicole Kidman plays Contini's muse, actress Claudia Jensen, who is mentioned in the film's beginning, then disappears until close to the movie's end. I kind of feel like Kidman's obvious musical talent, displayed previously in Moulin Rouge, come off as a bit underused, because she has one of the best singing voice among the cast and she only has one song. That's one of the few things that bugged me about this wonderful movie.

Kate Hudson plays American magazine journalist, Stephanie, who isn't in very much of the movie either, but Kate Hudson's big musical number, Cinema Italiano, written specifically for the movie, is amazing. I hate to use the word "amazing", because I think i

Nine fmovies. What do I know about musicals? From my limited experience of musicals, ("Singing in the Rain," "Guys and Dolls," "The Blues Brothers" {yes, it is considered a musical comedy} and "Legally Blonde the Musical") here is the basic linear format as I see they are written in — opening dialogue, singing, more dialogue, more singing, even more dialogue and then a grand finale. Then for a week after that, you have the songs stuck in your head. Director Rob Marshall chose not to follow the old standby format through to the end. His actions placed "Nine" in a different category from the standard musical.

The movie focuses on Guido Contini (Daniel Day-Lewis) as a famous movie director in Italy in 1965. He is having troubles developing his next movie. More so, he hasn't written a script. Even more so, he is having trouble even coming up with an idea for his movie. He had successful movies in the years past but now we are watching him struggle after a few major flops.

In his journey to make his next movie, he is having marital problems along with mistress problems. Add in Freudian issues with his deceased mother and his working relationship with his costume designer and his muse. Don't forget to include yet another potential affair outside of the one he is having with his mistress, plus there's the memory of an erotic lady on a beach from his youth (that's seven women total for those of you who are keeping score at home).

You know what is going to make this movie stand out from the crowd? It is the realistic singing by the actors. They are actors first and singers second (except for maybe Fergie who plays the erotic lady from Guido's youth but she didn't say much in the film, come to think of it I think she only sang). Since I don't know much about musicals and even less about how to sing properly, I could grasp the singing. The tunes they sang aren't the kind you are going to be singing on the way home because a lot of the songs were simply narrated lines being sung. When a character wanted to express his or her thoughts, they would sing their lines. Maybe that's what they do in all musicals — like I said my experience here is limited.

The women. Oh, the women. They all performed wonderfully, and I don't just mean the singing. The female cast includes his wife (Marion Cotillard), his mistress (Penelope Cruz), his costume designer (Judi Dench), the woman from his childhood (Fergie), an American fashion designer (Kate Hudson), his muse (Nicole Kidman) and his mother (Sophia Loren). They brought emotion and life to the story through their singing and their lustful yet sensual moves. I would also like to note, as a guy, the women were the reason why I kept my attention focused for almost 2 hours. I don't even watch a football game this intensely.

Should you see this movie? Yes. But, don't go in expecting a musical you can sing along with or a movie that will leave you feeling giddy with love. It dealt with some very real issues about infidelity. I will say this, though, after seeing this movie I do know a little more about musicals. And, that's a good thing.

When I first found out that Rob Marshall was going to be making a movie version of Nine I was very excited because I knew he would be the best person to direct it because he could easily relate to the protagonist with his experience as a well known director and a women enthusiast. Also as a director he uses very creative imagery and elaborate sets to tell the story of a very specific situation, instead of just a broad scenario that happens everyday. I particularly love this style because I hate stories that I've already seen and heard a million times.

Because i felt this way about it i was shocked to hear that such a large majority of critic's thought it was so mediocre and I became hesitant to see it in fear of disappointment.

Well, I did see it and let me tell you, there was nothing mediocre about it. It was a phenomenal movie. The dances and songs were beautiful, creative and very well performed. The storyline was very fresh and it kept the viewer interested in what Guido would do next because he was such a dynamic character. The women in his life were perfectly cast and fantastically played, especially Marion Cotillard, whom I had never heard of before this movie; it's fair to say she totally rocked her role instilling in me emotions that I never even knew I had. Penelope was ridiculously sexy yet still made the viewer empathize with her character. Nicole Kidman was great as the self-confident and inspiring muse. Daniel Day-Lewis was very believable in his role as the immature child trapped inside the older man's body named Guido, as his life spins out of control as reality finally begins to catch up with him.

The main problem that critics had with this movie was that it wasn't like Fredrico Fellini's 8 1/2 on which nine was based but they shouldn't be comparing the two. This is a whole new movie and should be viewed for what it is and to me Nine is the most entertaining movie of the year and I am looking forward to seeing it again.

It takes a special kind of gift to assemble a cast of (mostly) highly entertaining actors, including Daniel Day Lewis and Penelope Cruz, and still make a mess as big as this one. And it's not even cheap sexy fun, though the message appears to be that all women are pole dancin' sluts at heart. Who knew? "Nine" was 2009's "Burlesque." It belongs in the mausoleum where lie such films as "Annie," "Best Little Whorehouse in Texas," "Xanadu," "Chorus Line -- The Movie," and "The Wiz." The less said about "Nine" the better. We can, however, say how it retained the essence of the original Broadway show (but not the Fellini movie), and then we can all just pretend it never happened.