Kidnap (2017)

I have never laughed more at a movie that was intended to be an emotional thriller. I have also never yelled the word "idiot" so often. Halle Berry displayed all the traits of a moron right from the beginning which probably set the tone for most of her actions throughout. We had hope that she'd at least do us all a favor and place the girls on display. It would have guaranteed 2 extra stars. *spoiler* she remained fully clothed.

After the first 30mins of mental torture, we only continued watching in the hope that they would beat her up and poke her with pitchforks. My friends held posters cheering on the bad guys.

I have also never seen anyone look so determined in a car chase at 20-40mph. They should have swapped the minivan for an 18 wheeler to match her facial expressions. I'm convinced grandmothers could drive faster with gunny bags over their heads.

The only way this movie would enter an awards event is if the award for the biggest dumass was up for grabs. Judging by most reviews on here, it's a sure thing.

The part that hurt the most was that we paid to watch this...

Fmovies: This was so bad that I logged into IMDb to learn who was responsible for this rubbish posing as a movie. It was Luis Prieto and I will make very sure that I never bother with anything that he is associated with in the future. Beginning with the ludicrously over-long series of images of babies that bored me and imagine many others, it morphed into rambling and unnecessary nonsense that added nothing to the plot. I suffered through another thirty minutes or so hoping for improvement then turned the movie off in disgust. It lacks coherence, logic, a basic plot, and skill with imagery. BORING INANE BANAL are descriptors that jump to mind.

I've never yelled at a movie more than this. I literally made an account to tell anyone how bad this film is. No one acts like this if their kid is taken, she doesn't hit the car, she doesn't hit the people that took her kid. She had multiple chances to do so. Whoever wrote this script and directed this movie should never be able to work on a set ever again.

Kidnap fmovies. Not really even sure where to start. We'll go through the low points blow by blow.

Storyline - there isn't one. The entire plot makes no sense, and is so ridiculous as to have you laughing out loud for most of the movie. Yeah kid gets kidnapped and mother will stop at nothing to get him back. Seen that before. But what you've not seen is the utter drivel they come up with in this movie. Utter garbage dressed up as some kind of action. It's the worst story I've seen in as long as I can remember. I haven't even got to the end yet, and I'm writing this.

Acting - woeful beyond belief. Halle Berry would have to have been utterly desperate to get involved with this garbage. Minutes of talking to herself about how she won't let her kid go, all while in the middle of a car chase. Obviously the part is written and there's not much she can do about the story line, but unless she needs the money, she'd just walk away. No idea why she's even involved.

Action - appalling. 'High-speed' stunts filmed at about 5km/h, then sped up to seem faster. Non-sensical action scenes that add nothing other than further ridicule to this movie.

Cinematography - I can't say I've ever seen anything as laughably appalling as this. During the 'high-speed' chases, we get minutes worth of tyre-going-around footage, interspersed with minutes of yellow lines on the road. We get it - they're driving.

Overall this movie is atrocious and simply not worth your time. Unless you want to spend a couple hours yelling at the TV to get her to actually do something towards getting her son back. Abysmal, appalling, ghastly garbage.

I love action movies without aliens and superheroes so I was exited to see this movie where Halle Berry goes all out in her attempts to safe her kid.

The base of the story isn't that bad but oh how I hate it when writers can't come up with logical behavior even in high pressure situations.

With a little bit more creativity this actually could have been a very decent movie, but they took the easy way and at times it just was annoying how the story developed.

So a big disappointment.

First off, let me just say that I can rarely be bothered to write reviews on here. The only reason I decided to was due to: 1) lack of reviews, and most importantly 2) the very few reviews that have been posted here are so incomprehensively negative that the only explanation I can come up with was that they had to be shills (which is surprising to me, as most 'shills' on IMDb are only here to artificially increase a film's positive reviews).

That being said, I found these these first two negative reviews utterly baffling. Now I'm no expert film critic, but movies are my number one passion in life. As such, I've seen so many that I've literally arrived to the point where I'm thoroughly jaded...so much so that most everything that I've seen usually leaves me both bored and uninterested, or at best, mildly amused. Now that I've had my mini-rant, I'll continue on with my review.

As the title of the film implies, the story is as basic as it gets: a mother's son gets kidnapped, and said mother stops at nothing to get him back. From that simple premise (which has been rehashed millions of times), I began watching this with the expectation that I'll be seeing one cliché after another, with gratuitous violence and over-blown CGI and/or cheesy effects mixed in for good measure. I can honestly say that not only were those expectations overturned, but for the first time that I can remember, I was literally sat on the edge of my seat and kept in suspense throughout. That statement may sound generic and trite, but coming from a jaded cinephile, it becomes a huge compliment.

I never lost interest for a second, and the sheer intensity and suspense that I felt throughout 'Kidnap' got to the level where I was actively looking to see how many more minutes was left before it endedÂ…not because I was bored and wanted to know how much more tedium I had to suffer, but so that I could tell how much more hell the protagonist (and by extension, I) had to go through before all the nail-biting suspense could finally come to an end.

It was a taught cat-and-mouse thriller expertly choreographed, and Halle Berry's acting was sublime! In fact, I was initially so put-off by the film's synopsis, I would have passed this over in an instant had it not been for the fact that Ms Berry was in it! The acting, cinematography and stunt-work were masterfully crafted in such a way so as to get you emotionally invested throughout. I think that is why this film engendered such a visceral reaction whilst watching it. If you cannot relate to nor care about the characters, the film you're watching falls flat, and you consequently lose interest very quickly. Not so with 'Kidnap'. The relatability of Berry's character, plus the superb job she did with this role, puts you right in the car seat next to her.

If you are like me, and suffer from the ennui that inevitably comes from having seen almost every movie ever made, and are looking for the proverbial 'white knuckle ride' and adrenaline rush, then I cannot recommend 'Kidnap' strongly enough. In fact, I wouldn't be exaggerating to say that this is on my top 4 list of films I've seen this year thus far!

So in a way, I give thanks to the two negative reviewers. Had it not been for them, I wouldn't have even bothered writing this review!