Elves (1989)

Just so you are spared the agony of watching this truly pathetic excuse for a horror film, I will enlighten you about what you are in for. First this is not a "good bad" film. It has very little in the way of amusing dialog. It does have a bunch of "F bombs" that seem totally misplaced. The entire movie seems to have been filmed in dark "Blurryvision", to obscure the rubbery man in a suit elf. That's right one elf, in a film called "Elves." The Nazi , virgin, Christmas Eve, copulation is something that isn't even amusing and after awhile all the nonsense becomes extremely tiresome. Acting is grade Z, including Dan Haggerty. Best scene by far is Deanna Lund's endless dying performance in a bath tub. AVOID. Merk.

Fmovies: Just so you are spared the agony of watching this truly pathetic excuse for a horror film, I will enlighten you about what you are in for. First this is not a "good bad" film. It has very little in the way of amusing dialog. It does have a bunch of "F bombs" that seem totally misplaced. The entire movie seems to have been filmed in dark "Blurryvision", to obscure the rubbery man in a suit elf. That's right one elf, in a film called "Elves." The Nazi , virgin, Christmas Eve, copulation is something that isn't even amusing and after awhile all the nonsense becomes extremely tiresome. Acting is grade Z, including Dan Haggerty. Best scene by far is Deanna Lund's endless dying performance in a bath tub. AVOID. Merk.

Elves

The favourite holiday song amongst skinheads everywhere has to be White Christmas.

Unfortunately, this horror movie doesn't exactly detail the preferred Christmas carols of The Nazis Party.

When Kirsten's (Julie Austin) blood inadvertently awakens a demented Christmas elf, she engages a decades old Nazis experiment that would see elf and Aryan blood mixed to create a master race.

Hiding out from her Neo-Nazis pursues in a department store, Kirsten receives help from the store's Santa (Dan Haggerty), an ex-cop secretly living in the store.

Now, the only way to stop the Christmas Elf from draining her blood is with the elf-stone, which is in the possession of Kirsten's Nazis grandfather.

A festive pairing of fascism, demonism and commercialism, Elves' is a seasonal treat crammed with ridiculous dialogue, campy special effects and incompetent acting.

Besides, if the Nazis were to combine elf and human blood together they would get Santa Claus.

Red Light

vidiotreviews.blogspot.ca

Elves fmovies. Elves

The favourite holiday song amongst skinheads everywhere has to be White Christmas.

Unfortunately, this horror movie doesn't exactly detail the preferred Christmas carols of The Nazis Party.

When Kirsten's (Julie Austin) blood inadvertently awakens a demented Christmas elf, she engages a decades old Nazis experiment that would see elf and Aryan blood mixed to create a master race.

Hiding out from her Neo-Nazis pursues in a department store, Kirsten receives help from the store's Santa (Dan Haggerty), an ex-cop secretly living in the store.

Now, the only way to stop the Christmas Elf from draining her blood is with the elf-stone, which is in the possession of Kirsten's Nazis grandfather.

A festive pairing of fascism, demonism and commercialism, Elves' is a seasonal treat crammed with ridiculous dialogue, campy special effects and incompetent acting.

Besides, if the Nazis were to combine elf and human blood together they would get Santa Claus.

Red Light

vidiotreviews.blogspot.ca

Not much of a Christmas horror outing, just that it's set around that time. Nonetheless "Elves" (when there really is only one elf) is z-grade, low-brow shot-on-video schlock that surely entertains in its cheap, stagy execution and downright daftness, although surprisingly Dan Haggerty puts in a solid showing (and definitely the best of the performances) as a store department Santa Clause caught up in the madness. What's going on is truly oddball and baffling, but it's a ridiculously fun idea that has Neo-Nazis using the occult in trying to create the perfect soldier and this involves an genetically created Elf (who no way can be considered Santa's little helper) impregnating the chosen virgin on Christmas Eve to create the master race to take over the world. What a way to celebrate Christmas. Nazis, Santa, numerous sexual themes (from perverted to violent), a sour-face blond virgin, crazily neurotic mother (Deanna Lund) and a hideous 2ft elf with murderous impulses. Yeah it's a soap opera of sorts with a poignant cruel streak and laughable dialogues. The creature design looks decent enough, despite the stiff movements and we get moments of blurry elf vision.

"When there's no more room in hell. The elves will walk the earth."

Not much of a Christmas horror outing, just that it's set around that time. Nonetheless "Elves" (when there really is only one elf) is z-grade, low-brow shot-on-video schlock that surely entertains in its cheap, stagy execution and downright daftness, although surprisingly Dan Haggerty puts in a solid showing (and definitely the best of the performances) as a store department Santa Clause caught up in the madness. What's going on is truly oddball and baffling, but it's a ridiculously fun idea that has Neo-Nazis using the occult in trying to create the perfect soldier and this involves an genetically created Elf (who no way can be considered Santa's little helper) impregnating the chosen virgin on Christmas Eve to create the master race to take over the world. What a way to celebrate Christmas. Nazis, Santa, numerous sexual themes (from perverted to violent), a sour-face blond virgin, crazily neurotic mother (Deanna Lund) and a hideous 2ft elf with murderous impulses. Yeah it's a soap opera of sorts with a poignant cruel streak and laughable dialogues. The creature design looks decent enough, despite the stiff movements and we get moments of blurry elf vision.

"When there's no more room in hell. The elves will walk the earth."